HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, balance, fearless, happy, community

We all got skills ……

The amazing tow truck operator …..

Today I made a driving mistake and got my car stuck up on a pile of dirt ……. don’t ask!
Anyhoo Gabriola Towing came and got me off.
Now this is not the first time I’ve watched this man in action
(Other times were not me, just sayin’).
All situations were very tricky
a car stuck between a rock and a tree on a very steep incline,
a car balancing on a rock half the car hanging off a 8′ drop down to a parking lot,
and today my dilemma.

This guy is an absolute magician
with how he can move cars with his tow truck.
I’ve never seen anything like it,
he’s a specialist I imagine one of the best.

Which got me to thinking how every profession has folks who are absolutely amazing at their job. Whether it’s a person on a Coast Guard boat or someone cleaning a floor, there is always a way the the job can be done with supreme efficiency and extremely well done.

So take a look at the person packing your groceries,
the person painting lines on the street,
the person organizing an office,
cooking dinner,
serving you in a restaurant.

Let’s appreciate skills that are in all walks of life.

Take a look at you and give yourself credit
and a huge whoot whoot
for the fabulous skills that you possess.

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, Internal dialogue, fear, compassion, balance, fearless, happy, chaos, rebirth, COVID-19, community

Faux pas accomplished, forgiveness hmmmm?

I’ve been pretty vigilant in watching where I’m putting my attention so that I stay out of fear during these times and focus on what brings me joy and is important in my world. So today after a meditation I went to do my groceries. We have a small grocery store here on Gabe but they have been awesome with wiping things down, controlling the flow of folks in the store, writing happy sayings in chalk on the sidewalk as you come in and out and also putting tape down on the floor indicating the flow of people traffic as well as marking out the 2m distance everywhere.

I’m now in the meat section and a woman comes up and stands right next to me, yes right next to me. Out of my mouth comes ‘Seriously!’ Now this wasn’t the interested ‘Hmmm Seriously?’, or the I can’t believe it that’s so interesting ‘Wow Seriously?’, no this was the ‘What the f__k dic_hea_ ‘Seriously?’, yup a whole lot of anger and incredulity spewed out of my mouth before I had a chance to filter it, all in one word. She looked at me (I’m not sure with shock or not), but I realized I had just sent a whole lot of anger her way, so I tried to reign it back in with ‘Please watch your distance’ in a neutral tone (I think). She was angry and stormed away, oh well shit happens. Also I’m apparently not quite as zenn as I thought!

What happened next was what interests me. As I was driving home, the guilt over sending that much anger her way, when she may have just made a mistake having perhaps been in lala land and not even noticed where she was going, and I had also made a mistake in the grocery isle not seeing the ‘arrows’ on the floor for people flow, and gone the wrong way until I saw them. So mistakes happen. I then started sending her forgiveness and love via the ether, I did it a few times to balance things out. Then I realized I needed to forgive myself, hmmmm not so easy. Much easier to forgive her than myself.

It reminded me that in our shamanic teachings we always forgive ourselves first, as the flogging of ourselves over mistakes has such an impact to every moment. Also when we don’t do our forgiveness work the mistakes and the guilt over them accumulates snowballing into all kinds of nasty consequences in our lives.

So a reminder that mistakes are normal, it’s how we learn and grow.

Self Forgiveness is essential to learning from those mistakes, and getting better at not flogging ourselves over them.

I’ve taken a chill pill figuratively speaking, done my forgiveness work and now all is well in my world again.

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, Internal dialogue, fear, compassion, balance, fearless, happy, chaos, rebirth, COVID-19, community

Where are you putting your focus? Is it making you happy or fearful?

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, Internal dialogue, fear, compassion, balance, fearless, happy, chaos, rebirth, COVID-19, community

Place Your Attention Wisely

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, Internal dialogue, fear, compassion, COVID-19, community

Your Attention = Your Reality

Thinking about the past ……..

Imagining the future ……..

Either one leaves you missing this moment and the beauty that is present

 

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, Internal dialogue, fear, compassion, COVID-19, community

Your Mind is Your Bitch, You Have the Power!

So don’t go getting all bent out of shape, the term ‘Bitch’ here is gender neutral and a metaphor people!

Adapt this post to where you live. If you live in a city, break things down to your local community and/or circle of peeps.

Duh

So is the sky falling? Well no, we definitely have serious shit to get through, but if you allow your mind to focus on fear, panic and the constant barrage of media announcements, well ……….

Then you are ‘The Bitch’ of COVID-19 and I don’t know about you, but I’m bigger than COVID-19 and I’m not allowing a friggin’ virus to take my power!

So yes,
~ Do your due diligence in finding out the facts
~ Take necessary precautions
~ Be a fabulous Gabriolan and take care of each other (Vancouverite, Torontonian, etc.)
~ Checking on those at risk or alone
~ Then let it go.

If you allow yourself
to keep this virus
as the focus of your attention
then that is where you will be.

Day in and day out,
creating stress in all your bodies,
mental, emotional and physical,
this is what impacts your immune system
making you more susceptible to disease.

So part of necessary precautions from my perspective is:
~ Keep calm
~ De-stress
~ Kick paranoia to the curb when somebody coughs
~ Has just been in Vancouver
~ Or has a cold,
~ Don’t take all available resources out of the grocery stores etc.
leave some for others.

We are Gabriolans,
we have a long history of taking care of each other,
of supporting each other,
let’s keep doing that…….

Not giving in to fear and panic.
Even if some of us get sick,
we will get through this better
by being our usual kind compassionate selves.

One of the reasons I have stayed on Gabriola
was for exactly this eventuality,
that when the shit hits the fan,
I know there will be community support.

So …… step up,
take control of your brain,
your internal dialogue,
watch what you watch, read, say and do.

I’m not saying it’s easy,
but I do think it’s necessary for me anyway,
to keep living and not just start existing
as COVID-19’s Bitch!

Bite me COVID-19 I am a warrior! AND no-body’s Bitch!

Neurochemistry what the heck does that have to do with addiction?

This is my third blog post on addiction and completes this series.

Disclaimer: I am not a scientist, I have studied the subject of neurochemistry in relationship to addiction, but these are my own conclusions and opinions coming from that studying and my experience.
Do your own homework, remember you are your own best teacher!
I am not the font of all knowledge or the oracle (Yet! lol, I need a few hundred years, crap do I have to become a vampire …. damn, well it might not be so bad!) I’m a mere mortal with some life experience which once healed, ended up with a touch of wisdom. (Well I like to think so anyway.) Neurochemistry of addiction

I’ve mentioned being ‘at choice’ in my previous posts. Within the context of addiction this means how much will power do I have at my disposal in this moment in order to apply my sobriety strategies successfully.

Here’s an exert from my previous blog post:
“Another huge piece of unwrapping the puzzle for me anyway was with a biofeedback machine, from the HeartMath institute. With a simple program on the computer I was to get the program into ‘coherence’, the sweet spot where I was happy. So once I had that down, I started to play with my thoughts to see where some of my triggers were. I got the machine into coherence and thought one word ‘Cocaine’, my coherence vanished into the toilet, that didn’t surprise me, to this day 11 years later, I get butterflies in the stomach thinking the word.
What did surprise me, was that even though I got right back to thinking the thoughts that got me into coherence the first time, it took 3X as long to get me back to my happy place. This was shocking and illuminating to me. No wonder when we use ‘whatever’, the ability to stop gets harder and harder. We are less and less ‘at choice’, and this brings us to neurochemistry. ”

So to explain we need to get a bit sciencey which I actually love.

We need to start at the very beginning of your life, which starts in utero.
There used to be a belief that our neurochemistry was set at birth and that was that. Now we know better, we know about the brain’s plasticity. The brain can change and heal, yes you heard me. Now that doesn’t give you a free pass to go and drink yourself into oblivion thinking that all the cells your are killing will heal. (Yes I know some of you went there, don’t bullshit an ex-bullshiter).

From the time we are fully formed in utero to approx. 6 yrs old all experiences from the child’s perspective create a reaction in the brain’s neurochemistry. Perceived positive experiences make it rise and perceived negative experiences make it drop. (I’m sure it’s far more complicated that that, but in simple terms ….). Then around 6 yrs old the neurochemistry sets to the average of all those experiences.

Now the word perceived is very important as these experiences are from the child’s perspective, not necessarily the truth (whatever that means, and I will not go down that particular rabbit hole!). So a child that is ill and ends up in the hospital for days, may experience abandonment due to their parents not being able to stay with them the whole time. They are actually not abandoned, but we come from our perspective of reality even when little. I imagine many parents when playing hide and seek with their little child had the experience of their child being totally shocked when you found them easily. You found them easily because you could see a part of their body. When the child is very young, if they can’t see you they think you can’t see them, and are astounded when you find them because even though part of their body was clearly visible to you, they cannot yet imagine that. “How did you find me mommy?” I loved those moments with my child, absolutely precious.

So your neurochemistry is now set, but where did it set? I have a hypothesis that addicts that prefer booze and pot, (downers, they chill you out) have their neurochemistry set higher than non-addicts, and addicts who prefer stimulants like cocaine, (They ramp you up) have their neurochemistry set too low. This is purely speculation but I like my theory, would that someone does a research paper on this, I’d love to find out. If I am correct it would also help create better pharmaceuticals that target more accurately, rather than the hit or miss that seems to be the norm at the moment. Not that I’m advocate for the pharmaceutical industry far from it, but some medication is good, it’s not all black and white in life.

So regardless of where your neurochemistry is set, the more you use your addiction of choice, the more it affects your neurochemistry. As illuminated with the HeartMath biofeedback machine even the word, of my favourite substance affected my neurochemistry, imagine what actually using if for hours did. Then (I’ll use cocaine as it is what I most familiar with), you crash once you stop using it. In particular your dopamine crashes, as cocaine is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor which is why it makes you feel so damn good. It jacks your dopamine up and then stops it from coming down. Now you awake with a cocaine hangover, which means your dopamine is in the proverbial toilet, which means you are severely depressed neurochemically and otherwise. Which lasts from my experience 3 days with day 2 being the worst. Now think back to the first blog post about my experience as an addict, add to that this information …… and shitballs if you have no compassion now you are the spawn of Voldemort and do not have a heart!

To illuminate the ‘at choice’ concept I’m going to use a neurochemistry set point scale of 1 – 20, 10 being the average for non-addicts. Say before I started using cocaine my neurochemistry was generally (yes it does fluctuate) set at 8. Then I use cocaine, it skyrockets to 16, then I stop and it plummets to 4. Then once I’ve gone through the depression stage after not using, it goes back up but only to 7 not my usual setting of 8. Then I use cocaine, it skyrockets to 16, then I stop and it plummets to 3. Then once I’ve gone through the depression stage after not using, it goes back up but only to 6 not my usual setting of 8. Then I use cocaine, it skyrockets to 16, then I stop and it plummets to 3. Then once I’ve gone through the depression stage after not using, it goes back up but only to 5 not my usual setting of 8. Getting the idea, I’m making the numbers up to show a cycle, do not take these numbers as factual they are not. I tried to make a fancy ass diagram to illuminate this, but once I started all the other factors made things much too complicated for me to draw out. As one needs to add to that the knowledge that it takes longer and longer to get back to normal, that the drugs effects wane and more and more is needed, depression increases, that stresses play a role, on and on. Well that’s one rolling ball than never mind ‘gathering no moss’, will just explode at some point. The proverbial ‘bottoming out’, straw that broke the camels back, etc. happens.

So no matter what strategies I use for sobriety, at each stage I have less and less chance that my strategies will be successful, no matter how much I intellectually want to not use, physically my neurochemistry is handicapping me. I am less ‘at choice’.

So …… yes I take full responsibility for choosing to use cocaine, and yes I chose addiction as a way to numb my pain, the pain that I had before I started using addiction as a self medicating strategy. I started numbing pain when I was very little, with food. Then came cigarettes at 13, then pot at 18. I fought them all successfully on and off throughout my life. It wasn’t until I was 40 that I tried cocaine and knew with the very first line that I was well and truly screwed. I had found the substance that hit my sweet spot of numbing that pain, and having battled addiction for as long as I could remember, I didn’t think I would win this one. Thankfully I was wrong.

Hopefully now you have learnt something new about addiction and why it is so hard to overcome it. Addicts need our help and support when they ask for it. They have to recreate their world from scratch with a neurochemical imbalance, depression and choosing to stop using the thing that made life tolerable. They have to face and feel a lifetime of pain and heal.

Do not try and rescue an addict or force them into treatment, it will not work in the long term, addicts need to make that choice themselves. If you feel that you have to rescue or force them into treatment, take a big look in the mirror, because you are not actually doing it for them, even if you think you are. You are doing it for you. That might be hard to hear, you may be calling ‘bullshit’, but underlying everything we do, is a motivation that leads right back to us.

For my part, my motivation for this series on addiction I knew wasn’t to just to help addicts and non-addicts alike. I knew because when that person talked about addicts with disgust and loathing (see 1st blog post on addiction) I had an uncomfortable reaction. That was my red flag. If I had completely healed my issues around addiction the disgust and loathing would not have created a reaction in me. I would have know it was just their stuff without any emotional reaction other than compassion. I know this to be true from all the healing work I have done.

It has been through writing these posts that what lurked beneath …. has become clear. What I now know, is underneath my desire to write these posts, I was hoping for forgiveness, hoping for acceptance from outside myself. (Do not give it to me, you will not be helping!) Trying once again to dislodge feelings of inadequacy, judgement, shame and blame through others acceptance. It was exactly this dance that I did with my parents as a young child, changing who I was, in order to be loved. That was how I wounded myself, so much so, that I needed to numb the pain of my own betrayal.

I did not realize this when I started this series, I thought that layer of the proverbial onion was healed, but alas it was lurking in my subconscious, I did not want to see it. However …. hello, bonjour there it was.

Now I once again have done my healing work around my shit, healing a little more, and become a more balanced human. Grateful for the person who unknowingly pushed my buttons. They brought the next piece in my healing journey front and centre, and I am grateful to myself for seeing it.

 

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, addiction, sobriety, feelings, hope

Addicts are warriors in their own right!

So in my previous blog post I said I would tell you how I got successfully sober, I did everything listed below and more. My ‘story’ of that time is really not important, and I have told it before. Right now I do not need to revisit that whole story to share the juice of sobriety.

Suffice as to say ….
I was in deep addiction, I manifested dropping the bottom out of all my basic needs support systems, couldn’t pay the rent, nowhere to go, disillusioned with even considering I could get sober again for the umpteenth time, thought I had tried everything, year long addiction program, self help, healing ceremonies and rituals, leaving my addictive mate over and over again, and going back to him over and over again, I was hope free. However …. I had an amazing compassionate supportive circle of people in my life. My closest shamanic sister said the magic words I probably couldn’t have heard from anyone else.
“You can’t get sober and hold it staying in your life!” So I asked for help from my shamanic teachers, which led to a ‘Yes be out in BC on our land in 3 weeks, leave your car, I know you can do it, goodbye’ (I lived in Ottawa at the time). So, I closed up 3 business, sold, recycled and stored the balance of my possessions in about 3 different friends places, got gifted money from clients and my mom, broke up with my mate, kissed my adult daughter and family goodbye, and landed in BC 3 weeks later. Not quite sure how the heck I’d pulled it off. Ever seen ‘Galaxy Quest’ when the main character get’s shot from the spaceship to earth in the ‘jelly capsule’? Remember his reactions when he landed ….. same!
AND then the healing in sobriety began.

I have a lot of information below. Beware the dreaded overwhelm. If you feel so inclined pick one thing to try initially, do not set yourself up for failure by putting unrealistic expectations on yourself. Getting to sobriety is a journey that you start in addiction. Slowly, slowly you gain wisdom, knowledge and enough experience to get to successful sobriety. Remember you are always doing the best you can in each moment, even when it doesn’t look pretty!     Sometimes it helps to see the little innocent child you were, help her/him/they to heal, get a photo, stick it somewhere to tap into that energy. Be gentle with yourself, as often as you can, and if you can’t perhaps that can be a goal?

Addiction is a way to numb pain
It is not in the substance or behaviour it’s in the brain

Do not ask: Why am I an addict?
Ask: What is causing me pain!

Dr. Gabor Maté, the preeminent authority on addiction today: a quick 3:25 mins. video on addiction

There is one underlying principle to sobriety, it is the ability to feel your pain and heal the traumas that have/are creating the pain.

Which if you could’ve done it alone you would have.
How many times have you tried ….. lots I am betting
You are not weak, it is not a matter of self control
You are brave, you are strong, you do battle every day in order to survive
You are warrior even if you do not feel that way right now

So you want to get sober ….
Are you doing it for you?

Getting sober for others, or because you think/feel you ‘should’ is a waste of time and energy, and just layers more guilt, shame and blame on top of that huge pile you’ve already accumulated each time you do not succeed.

Set yourself up for success:
~ Go for sobriety when you desire it with all your heart for yourself
~ Ensure your have un-judgemental compassionate support in place from day one of sobriety
~ Know that you are willing to make the radical changes necessary to support your sobriety
~ Know that you are willing to start the process of healing the pain and trauma of your past
~ Make sure you know where to get medical help if you need it.

So …..
Heal the pain and trauma = Sobriety
Sounds simple, well it’s not …..

The missing link to sobriety for many, is having a person or people who will hold a space for you with compassion for you to heal your trauma.

Which is why AA, NA, etc. are so popular, but in the end you need to stop telling your stories about addiction, it will not help you stay sober. It will keep you locked into your past, always afraid that you might go back into addiction. You will be a dry addict, not actively using in that moment, but holding your breath waiting for the next excuse that will validate going back into addition.

Sobriety takes
~ Healing while in addiction
~ Self awareness of your patterns, buttons, back doors. Not all at once, just start watching yourself, get to know how you tick.
~ A willingness to take responsibility for your actions
~ Understanding that stress is one of your biggest challenges. The more stressed you are the greater the risk that you will use. First stress of the day: you breathe deeply, 2nd stress you’re swearing, 3rd stress you kick something, 4th stress you’re yelling, 5th stress you’re white knuckling it, you’re overwhelmed, you cave and use. I’m not saying this is your pattern just an example of stress escalation.

Sobriety takes
~ Strategies, strategies lots of them, strategies are your friend.
No one strategy works all the time, so have lots

~ Knowing your ‘sweet spot’ as within that ‘sweet spot’ lies your greatest chance of success. It is those moments when you are so tired of the addiction dance you crave sobriety for you, as well as having practical matters aligned. i.e. a support system, a sober place to stay, medical support if needed and strategies. By extension know when you are most at risk. Where are you, how do you feel, what stresses you out. (This is a strategy)

~ Practice, patience and persistence – the 3 ‘P’s’ I used to call it and would use it as a mantra as well (This is a strategy)
If you think you don’t have those skills ……. Surprise! …. Yes you do.
Think of your determination when needing to score, the skills you used…. practice, patience and persistence. How often did you not score when you wanted to ……. yeh exactly, you got this!
Use those skills for your sobriety, it’s the exact same skill set just with a different goal.

Sobriety takes
~ Acknowledging your successes – Think of all those times you didn’t use when you wanted to, I promise you those moments far outweigh the moments you cave and use. Carry around a wee notebook and pen, every time you want to use and don’t mark it down, do not mark down when you cave, this is an acknowledging success piece (This is a strategy)

~ Mark each day of sobriety some how, whatever works for you. Make it visual. For 5 years I put a bead every day sober onto a string, and hung the strings around the room I lived in the most. (This is a strategy)

Sobriety takes
~ A willingness to keep fighting for yourself by doing your healing of past trauma(s)
~ It takes erasing your past history, not sitting in a circle rehashing your war stories, all that does is take your right back to those moments and keeps those memories alive.

Sobriety takes
~ Many attempts at sobriety, before you have a totally successful sobriety, sobriety that sticks. I have never heard of someone who tried first time and succeeded, I’m not saying it can’t happen it’s just not the norm.
If you were learning a new skill, trail and error would be expected,
so cut yourself some slack, at this point sobriety is a new skill.
You have found a way to numb your pain, forget your trauma for a little while, and now you’re asking yourself to take away the proverbial net.
That is no easy decision ….. it takes courage ….. you are a warrior!
Oh yes, I hear that negative internal dialogue, judging yourself, heaping guilt, shame and blame on yourself, ‘I’m not a warrior, what shit is she spewing,?” Blah, blah, blah. A lot of that may have been heaped on you from friends, family and/or society at large …. Guess what F_ _K them, they do not know your pain, your trauma, your battle, if they did they would have compassion, not judgement.
Compassion for yourself will be a huge turning point in your ability to attain and/or maintain sobriety, and increase your ability to do the courageous stuff, to heal.

My turning point as far as compassion for myself was about 3 months into my successful sobriety. As part of my healing journey the woman who was facilitating it gave me some homework. I was to read Gabor Maté’s ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts – Close encounters with addiction’. I got the pieces I personally needed to have compassion for myself, and it rocked my world, it changed how I felt about myself dramatically.

Sobriety takes
~ The courage to get back on the horse if you go back into addiction
~ Learning what shakes you out of balance, your triggers, mirrors of self-reflection, your energy patterns.
Sobriety takes
~ Changing your life.
~ Cutting out anyone in your life that is an addict or linked to that world. That back door needs to be closed.
~ Closing all back doors to excuses to use, which means cutting out anyone in your life that uses substances or behaviours that were your addictions, IF they will not abstain when you’re around. This bit isn’t for life, but it takes many years in my experience before it’s not a trigger.
Now this then means quite often that to get sober you will have to leave a lot of people that you love/like behind. If you do not, your odds of being successful are unlikely. It can be a lonely road, but you have a choice doing all the work needed to become sober and leaving back doors open so you can fail with a convenient excuse, or getting ruthless and closing them all. You are a warrior you can take the path that leads to you winning the war not just one battle.

Sobriety takes
~ Forgiveness, you have to forgive yourself, you’re doing the best you can, and you keep trying
~ Cleaning up any messes you made while in addiction, owning your shit and apologizing for it, without expectation of forgiveness. You do it to clean up your emotional slate, regardless of their reaction. This is a friggin’ hard one, but really important. Make sure you have compassionate support when doing these pieces. You know that huge shit pile of shame, blame, guilt and self judgement, these are the additional pieces you added to the pile over and above the initial traumas that led to you choosing addiction as a means to survive your pain.

Another huge piece of unwrapping the puzzle for me anyway was with a biofeedback machine, from the HeartMath institute. With a simple program on the computer I was to get the program into ‘coherence’, the sweet spot where I was happy. So once I had that down, I started to play with my thoughts to see where some of my triggers were. I got the machine into coherence and thought one word ‘Cocaine’, my coherence vanished into the toilet, that didn’t surprise me, to this day 11 years later, I get butterflies in the stomach thinking the word.
What did surprise me, was that even though I got right back to thinking the thoughts that got me into coherence the first time, it took 3X as long to get me back to my happy place. This was shocking and illuminating to me. No wonder when we use ‘whatever’, the ability to stop gets harder and harder. We are less and less ‘at choice’, and this brings us to neurochemistry.

Which I know I said I’d deal with in this blog post, but I’m done for today. I’ll put it in my next one.

RESOURCES
Dr. Gabor Maté videos – How Addiction Works –  (There are many videos on YouTube, I’ve just picked one)
Dr. Gabor Maté books
HeartMath Institute

HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, addiction, sobriety, feelings, hope

Addiction is an adaptation to survive

This is a touchy subject that creates strong reactions. If you think I’m full of shit that’s okay, your truth is your own, all I can do is share my truth at this particular moment in time.

You are always doing the best you can even if it doesn’t look pretty.

I was recently in a group where someone mentioned an addict with disgust and contempt. This attitude is quite common in my experience. I intellectually know it is about them, whether a mirror for themselves, or having been in relationship with an addict, or just general ignorance. Whatever it is it pisses me off, and yes pissing me off is ‘my’ stuff as I was once an addict for many, many years. That also gives me a unique perspective into addiction. Which is the reason for this blog post and at least one more to come. I don’t talk about my experience with addiction much anymore, as telling the story takes me right back there, rekindling those memory pathways of an old story that does not serve me. However my intuition has nudged me, letting me know it was important to tell it today.

Addiction is a disease …. oh bite me. Even if you believe that, it’s a disease that can be cured. Not everyone succeeds, but that is true of a lot of diseases. You are not fated to carry around the “I am an addict banner”, once successfully sober. More on the “successfully sober” bit in later posts.

So how I define addiction: any behaviour that you do repetitively to deflect your attention from your reality and your pain, that negatively affects you and by extension your life. That creates imbalance even if it is a means to an end. Addiction is not in the substance, addiction is in the behaviour.

We are an addictive culture, it is common for people to use addiction as a way to survive the stress of daily life, past trauma (acknowledged or not), fear of the unknown and many other things that make us uncomfortable. What is uncommon is people realizing and/or admitting it, especially before it is affecting their lives in extreme ways.

We learn to adapt to our environment starting from birth, adapting at all costs to survive. We are at the mercy of our caregivers whether they are nice or not and society at large. So we change who we are to fit in, to be loved, to be taken care of, and once we grow up we’ve often forgotten or indeed have no awareness at all of those bit by bit changes we made in order to make ourselves feel safe.

In order to feel safe, self-soothe or escape the pain of our reality, some of us retreat within ourselves, becoming meek and quiet. Others of us fight for ourselves and our childhood is peppered with discord within our relationships, or become people pleasers always helping everyone. Some of us become over-controlling as a way to feel ok, and others becoming mean or a bully to reduce the feeling of helplessness. Some start with addictive behaviours to self-sooth, often with food as the first addiction. Other’s become pompous asses to hide feelings of inadequacy.  No one is better or worse than another, they are all a way to stop the feelings of pain that comes with betraying ourselves (remembered or not), the anger at unjust treatment, lies, deceptions, not being given unconditional love, and for some not even having their daily basic needs met, and having nowhere to go or no-one that believes you or in you. It is a way for some of us to stop wanting to blow our brains out, escape this reality and not feel or hurt again.

…….. So now you’re an adult.

If you are an addict it is okay,
congratulations you found a way to survive,
not everyone does.

I encourage you, to not to go into judgement, shame and blame, or if you do, forgive yourself as often as is necessary and carry on doing the best you can. This blog and the one(s) to come are meant to give you hope that sobriety is possible. If you’re an addict you are on a journey which is giving you skills and abilities that you can cross-train to attain sobriety. If you are not an addict well, here’s a window into the world of a woman who once was.

Shame, blame and judgement are damaging emotions, and counterproductive to sobriety. In fact they kept me locked into addiction like a vice.

A week in the head of the addict I used to be.
An average addictive week starting on a Monday …

– Off to work feeling depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally
– I got high Friday and Saturday night, not Sunday as I had to work today, so that was something
– I vowed to not use again when I woke up on Sunday morning

Now the weekly game is afoot, because the first thing I want to do to not feel my emotional pain, is to use again.
– My infernal internal dialogue is off and running, all day long as usual…..
Judgement, judgement, judgement “How could you use again, why can’t you be stronger, why can’t you just say no, look at the money you spent, see how bad you feel now, but I want to use, you can’t use, I want to use, you can’t use, I know I vowed I wouldn’t but ……. I want to.” Rinse repeat, rinse repeat, rinse repeat.

– I need to escape from myself and my continuous judgement and internal dialogue. I cannot I am trapped in my own head.
– I need to escape the push and pull of wanting to use and saying no, over and over and over again.
– I can’t make my head shut up, my Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is working overtime
– I feel awful, physically, mentally, emotionally I am a basket case
– My neurochemistry is now so low my ability to even fight my desires are at a really low ebb.
– “It’s only Monday you can hang on until Friday Michele, you cannot work hungover you know that, okay, push through it, perhaps by Friday you’ll feel better and not want to use”

But nothing changes, I fight with my overwhelming desire to use all week long.

I have made it to Friday. I have accomplished sobriety for 5 days in a row. Hooray for me. Unfortunately I still want to use, and now I have been doing battle with myself for approx. 130 hrs straight I am exhausted. I don’t have to work tomorrow, I’m sooo tired of the battle, I hate myself, I am disgusted by my inability to not want to use, disgusted by my previous behaviour, what is wrong with me, why can’t I just say no.
I cannot hold the pain and stay present anymore.

– It’s Friday, I’ll just get high tonight, no work tomorrow
– F..k it I’m going to score
– Then I have to go about acquiring it, and seeing as booze isn’t my thing, I can’t just go to the store, so…. (Just imagine the stress of acquiring an illegal substance, that you may or may not even be able to get and now that you’ve said yes to yourself, you are let’s say … very determined. Anxious to be able to get or not get, anxious to not get busted. I was lucky I never got busted, and if you think getting busted would have stopped me from using as soon as I got out back then, you are wrong.)

And so I score and I use again,
– Oh sweet holy h_ll, I feel good and I feel happy for the first time all week.
– No more pain, emotional, physical or mental.
– Zippidy do da zippidy day, my oh my what a wonderful day!
– I am out of my body, out of my head, my internal dialogue is gone. I get to focus on anything other than wanting to use.
– But of course once it’s gone, then begins the slow slide back to the hell of the reality I have created
– I wake up sober in absolute horror over having used yet again and what I did when I used. When we mind alter with anything, it changes how we act and behave.
– My constant companions judgement, shame and blame show up as usual, creating a new layer of emotional pain. Addicts are really really good at beating themselves up, we don’t need any help really, we got this!
– Hungover and now feeling so bad about my behaviours on top of depressed, overwhelmed and stressed …….

– It’s Saturday – using last night has tipped the scales on my ability to fight. I don’t have to work tomorrow.
– I’m going to use ….. I’m done!
– I’ll stop tomorrow, I’ve got work on Monday …….

“Just Say NO!”  ………   What a load of crap!
Now there was a campaign that wiggled its way into the hearts and minds of many.

What a lovely thought ‘Just say No”. Why didn’t I think of that……

All be it perhaps well intentioned, that campaign has done soooo much harm to addicts I can’t even tell you. That ridiculous campaign,  became embedded in the beliefs of  western culture.

Addicts say ‘No’ to themselves all day long, constantly fighting to not cave to their addiction, fighting their overwhelming sense of disgust with themselves, fighting the pain, fighting the judgement, shame and blame they heap on themselves.

I no longer dance with addiction, but admittedly I still on occasion eat too much sugar and indulge in zoning out with movies and tv. The difference is now I have so many years of sobriety and a mountain of healing work behind me. I have the advantage of neurochemistry that is not in the toilet, and the wisdom to know myself well and what strategies I need to implement, so that I do not allow those those behaviours to go unchecked for very long.

I now consider myself healed from addiction, with a predisposition for addictive tendencies. I do not fear falling back into the need to mind alter to get away from the life I have and am creating. I also now know that where my neurochemistry is at, which dramatically changes how I am feeling, and by default how ‘at risk’ I might be to depression. Depression for me was what was underlying my addiction in the past, and is probably underlying almost everybody’s addictive behaviours.

My next post will deal with how I got sober and some sciency stuff, to help explain our neurochemistry a bit more.

Q & A with a hand full of bullshit thrown in for good measure
We only react to things that we have ‘stuff’ with.
So why do you need that glass of wine/joint/codeine/etc. every day?
Imagine that you will never be able to get alcohol/joint/codeine/etc. of any sort again?
How do you feel now?
Is there a wee bit of panic rising, discomfort?

What is that glass of wine/joint/codeine/etc. doing for you? What’s the gain, there’s always a gain?

“Well I only have one glass of wine everyday, I’m not an addict”
“I only drink/toke socially”
“I toke, but doesn’t everyone and it’s legal now, doesn’t make me an addict”
“Exercising 3 hrs every day is good for me, not addiction”
“My doctor prescribed these”
“I only shop all the time to get the deals, and the shipping is free! I’ve got Amazon Prime”
“I’m just having a challenging time right now”
“I’m not an addict, I can stop whenever I want” (This is my favourite piece of bullshit)
“I only get high on the weekends” – This was my bullshit and my control mechanism, most of the time

Blah blah blah …… At a certain point we own our truth and things get better from there

The Teacher of Patience ~ Completion ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

This 20 day cycle is completed today. Tomorrow brings a new cycle, where I am completely changing it up. We will look at creation through imagination? I invite you today, to watch what you imagine about that, and the story you create to explain what is to come.

The Interconnection of Patience & Completion ~ For me the connection here, is that whenever I need patience, it is usually due to something that I could choose to be irritated about. It is something I need to slow down for. When I no longer need to be patient whatever it was, has been completed. I am no longer on the ferry, I have accomplished a task, someone else is finished doing whatever they were doing that I needed to be patient for. (Yes I am a fire sign!) Hence patience and completion go hand in hand.

Herons are such wonderful mirrors of patience. I’ve seen them stand watching & waiting to get a fish for hours, truly masters of the art. When they get the fish the cycle is completed and they start all over again.

Great teachers, patience, mayan, daykeeper, ahaw, cycles, time, completion, end, all-seeing, healing through ceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

20 – The Great Teacher of Patience
Patience teaches us about tolerance of the differences

If you need to bring in more patience, move to an island! Living on an island you either gain patience, are cranky or you move. The first thing one notices is the pace, the pace here is slower. One of the ways one can tell a visitor or new islander is by their pace. They have a faster pace, expect things faster, can’t believe we deal with ferries and contractors that are so busy, it leaves your timing, at their discretion. I was this person, I had no patience when I arrived, zero, zip, none.  Now when I leave the island I can’t wait to get back. One of the reasons, pace, which in retrospect is quite amusing.

One of the biggest teachers of patience is the ferry. Ferries are slow, one has to wait in line for it to arrive, it may be on time it may not. Then loading is slow, crossing is slow, unloading is slow, and waiting to get back on to go home is slow yet again. The amount of practice opportunities are immense, and the ferries alone was a major factor in me being able to  slow down, I had no choice, I was dependent upon them and had no influence over them, so what to do? Accept and have patience.

Our little island is very tolerant of differences, yes we have patience for the most part, but we also engage with more people we know on a daily basis than in a city. It’s much easier to blow up at someone in a city and walk away than on an island. We live with each other, we depend on each other, we need to get along. So just like most of our moms taught us, we learn to share, to make up, to forgive, to be okay with other peoples differences. Gabriolan’s are an eccentric bunch and proud of it, and most of us I imagine have developed patience with the side effect being we not only tolerate people’s differences, we revel in it.

20 – The Twenty ~ TWENTY is COMPLETION
This is the Return to the Great Zero where all things are Born, The Return to WahKahn and SsKwan.
Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

20 – Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw ~ The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd, 22nd, Aug 11th, 31st

The Interconnection of Love & Pure Science ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Kawak

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Love & Pure Science ~ Suffice to say I imagine, that it’s pretty common knowledge that love elicits many science can explain the many physiological changes in our bodies. The article on amazingbrain.org below, clarifies them succinctly. The one area I would debate is that love is primarily to drive us to reproduce. If that was so then how come people fall in love even if there is no ability to create a child? How come after child bearing years do women & sometimes men still fall in love. Then let’s touch on the love we have for people that will never be partners, & yes, yes I know there are different types of love, but it is love all the same. I would hypothesize that love is a primary mechanism for our spirit’s healing, growth & enlightenment. Within intimate relationships of all kinds, is where we regularly bump up against the areas in ourselves that need healing the most. I can sit in my little cottage in the forest and do all kinds of healing, but until I engage with people, I will not know if I have actually healed. Just like learning to ride a bike, until I practice riding a bike, I will not master riding a bike.

Here’s a great article on amazing brain.org. about the science of love, enjoy.

Great teachers, Love, mayan, daykeeper, kawak, transformation, sudden, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com. Michele Fire-River Heart

 19 – The Great Teacher of Love
Love teaches us about respect for the enemy without

Okay that sounds really bizarre and not loving, so what the heck! This refers to folks that push our buttons or are tyrants to us in some way, irritators, manipulators, tormentors, melancholics, dictators – folks that throw us off our center. Love teaches you to respect those that push your buttons. If you can actually love an enemy outside of you, you can love your dark sides. Can you love those that don’t love you or are your tyrants?

This may still sound weird, but we are always at choice. For example I have this situation right now with one person who wants to force me to do something that goes against my principles. First she tried being manipulative, when that didn’t work she has gone to dictatorial … ‘That’s what has to be done, so that’s the way it is’. Now if you have been reading my blog, you know this is exactly the kind of situation that makes me want to cave in to her, as this is the pattern I ran with my mother. The situation is amplified as this particular person can rip away one of my fundamental needs. So what am I going to do? I have been grumbling and groaning, swearing and blaming, but all of that is only about one thing, my fear of confrontation, fear of what she can do to me if I don’t comply, fear of not honouring myself. The first two I can deal with, the latter I can’t, so I know what I have to do, it is just a matter of pushing through my fear. Aaaah I hate that, but I know I can do it, so do it I will. In reality she probably will do nothing as that’s what bully’s do, they prey on the weak, until the weak are strong, then they back down.

The point of this story is I am at choice. I can continue to allow her to tyrant me, or I can choose to not allow that. This situation is an opportunity to heal another piece of my history, my patterns, in the end she is actually helping me, Creating a situation where I have  to choose to deal with some of my stuff or not. In this moment I am not feeling loving, trust me, however once I have stood up to her, forgiven myself and her, I may get there. If I do, I stand a better chance of healing the shame and blame I heap upon myself, regarding my dark side, and that is a gift.

Update: I did from a grounded place stay firm in my position. Nothing bad happened & my needs as well as hers are now being honoured. The negative internal dialogue is gone, & our relationship is on a healthier new footing. (Well from my perspective anyway). Now that I am clear of the drama, I am grateful to her for that opportunity. I have healed a wee bit more of my pattern in confrontation, & when presented with it again, it will be easier to deal with it quicker.

We learn and grow in relationship and that’s where love resides.

What relationships with love do you have?
What have you learnt?
What is being presented for you to heal?

19 – The Nineteen ~ NINETEEN is  the Sphere known as PURE SCIENCE
Pure Science is both Goddess and God. Their presence is the Design of all Existence, and the Sacred Mathematics of WahKahn and SsKwan.
The Medicine Wheel, the Sacred Earth Count, and all subsequent Wheels, are mirrors of the magnificent Design of Continuation that has been created by Pure Science.
Come children – look into the Mirror of the Medicine Wheel and discover the Infinite.
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

19 – Mayan Daykeeper Kawak ~ The essence of Kawak is immediate transformation. No heads up, sometimes a change that we don’t even notice happening, it just all of a sudden has happened.

You may experience Kawak
as an immediate shift in consciousness,
a powerful force or a loud violent noise.

On a day with Kawak as Daykeeper,
you are invited to acknowledge and respect life’s mysteries and
all that is beyond your power and control

Those born on a Kawak day
feel a part of something that is beyond normal consciousness.
Their deepest motivations often remain a mystery even to themselves.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Kawak days this year Jan 22nd, Feb 11th, March 3rd, 23rd, April 12th, May 2nd, 22nd, June 11th, July 1st, 21st, Aug 10th, 30th

The Interconnection of Seeking & The Shee-nah-meeah (Keepers of your books of life) ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Etz’nab

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of seeking & the Shee-nah-meeah ~ The Shee-nah-meeah are the spiritual entities that keep your books of life which are also known as the Akashic records. The Akashic records librarians if you will. So on my shamanic pathway (I can only speak to my experience) one of the ways we heal is by connecting with the Shee-nah-meeah to ask questions regarding this life walk. The answers come in images that you interpret. Those images would be created by the kachinas that were in yesterdays blog. In this way our seeking of more information & knowledge is directly informed via the Shee-nah-meeah. Interconnection indeedy.

Great teachers, seeking, The Shee-nah-meeah, books of life, akashic records, mayan, daykeeper, Etz'nab, Anger, change, letting go, destruction, shatter, recreate, create, healing through ceremony, michele fire-river heart

18 – The Great Teacher of Seeking
Seeking teaches us about refinement of character

Are you willing to let go of who you think you are, to seek who you really are?

That’s it in a nutshell. Who I was at the start of my seeking for the answers to who I am, why am I here, is a person that I no longer know. I have changed so much that folks from back then would not recognize me and I’m not talking about physically. Who I thought I was at various times in my life have often been so far from the truth that it was humorous. I remember one time in class, we were learning about parts of our behavioural characteristics, to gain a greater understanding of how we ticked. There were 4 different categories, of which in general each of us would have 2 that were dominant. After the teaching we all got to study them and then share with the group what we thought we were. When it came to my turn and I stated my emphatic truth of who I believed myself to be, the class literally roared with laughter. I was stunned, confused, what did they think was so funny? Turned out that how I perceived myself at that time had absolutely no basis in reality, I was actually the exact opposite of my belief of who I was. They were absolutely right, and uncovering this fantasy I had created, opened the door to so many other aspects of myself and my life that previously had not made sense to me. Much healing was done, and I am now who I thought I was back then, I think?

Seeking the truth of who you really are, refines your character, one little bit at a time.

18 – The Eighteen ~ EIGHTEEN is the Number for the Sphere of the Shee-nah-meeah, the Balancers of Existence.
Within all Creation, the Eighteen is about JUSTICE. Who will claim to understand Balance? Who will test the action of Time? Justice is the Shee-nah-meeah.
Come children and Remember you were all Born Before. Make your dance, in this your Present, the dance of Honor that you will be proud of within Great Time.
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

The Shee-nah-meeah are the keepers of our books of life, our Akashic records.

18 – Mayan Daykeeper Etz’nab ~ The essence of Etz’nab is letting go. Releasing what needs to go in order to birth something new. Sometimes this will be dramatic other times gentle, either way change is the order of the day.

When present, Etz’Nab may stimulate
a powerful awakening to anger and the need for change.
It can appear as rage or the destruction of an old form.
Through sudden events and changes,
Etz’nab may provoke you to be more present in the moment.

Etz’nab days provide an opportunity to detach from
obsolete motivations and future expectations.
You may want to voluntarily arrive in the present moment.
Recognize that when someone or something outside you
appears to interrupt you by demanding your attention,
you are being invited into the moment.

Those born with Etz’nab as their Daykeeper
are people who recognize and express the need for change.
Their actions often challenge the status quo and
can create change for themselves and others.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Etz’nab days this year Jan 1st, 21st, Feb 10th, March 2nd, 22nd, April 11th, May 1st, 21st, June 10th, 30th, July 20th, Aug 9th, 29th

The Interconnection of Need & The Kachinas ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Kaban

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Need & The Kachinas ~ So what the heck are the kachinas? The kachinas are energies in the spirit realm that form your sleeping dream images, much like a projector does at the movies. They offer you images that help you learn, heal & grow. One of your needs is to understand life in order to survive & evolve, and one of the ways you can do this is through your dreams. One of the uses of your sleeping dreams is a vehicle for messages from your spirit, to inform you about something in your life. Those images within your dream are manifested by the kachinas.

What have your dreams taught you lately?

Great teachers, need, mayan, daykeeper, Kaban, brain, mind, clarity, confusion, computational ability, plastic, innovative, think, resolve, thought,masks, healingthroughceremony.com, michele fire-river heart,survival adaptability

17 – The Great Teacher of Need
Need teaches us about survival adaptability

Well this one seems straight forward. This refers to need, in the light. If we are expecting someone else to fill our needs this is codependency not survival adaptability. That said, this precludes asking for help when that is the best course of action, not done out of co-dependency. This is called interdependency, when we help one another and there is an energy exchange. Adaptability is also flexibility, flexibility is one of the most successful strategies for survival, but also for thriving.

I am not that thrilled by formal exercise, it has always been a challenge for me. Part of my healing journey in recovery, was a requirement of doing exercise every day. I found that if I did it in the morning, then it got done, with the least amount of resistance. In one of my check up sessions with my teacher, I proudly told her this strategy. ‘Great’ she said, ‘Now you’re not allowed to do it in the morning’. I protested, she made the point, that life’s not like that, to attain the discipline to do it, you need to be flexible enough  to do it anytime, otherwise any little thing can throw you off, and your exercise will fall by the wayside. As irritating as I found this, it was a great lesson. If we cannot be flexible it inhibits growth, change, movement, survival.

Another example of survival adaptability is happening right now in our coral reefs. Stag horn corals, one of the main reef builders in the Pacific and Indian oceans, cannot survive the increased temperatures and acidity of our oceans. Scientists have found that they are cross breeding with another coral that can handle these conditions. Survival adaptability!

In what ways have you changed to survive?
How has this affected your life?
In places that you have not been able to adapt/be flexible, how does this affect your life?
How flexible are you?
Where is an easy place to start to increase your flexibility?

17 – The Seventeen ~ SEVENTEEN is the Number for the Sphere of  the KACHINAS
The Kachinas are the powers that form all Symbols, Dreams and Images.
Come, Children, and place your Painted Masks of the Natural World, your dreams, your dread, your drama, and your healing upon your face. Come, adults, remove the Masks of your culture from your face and Learn.
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

17 – Mayan Daykeeper Kaban ~ Kaban’s essence is the human mind, it’s processes & abilities. Plasticity, the positive & negative effects of thought, computational ability.

Kaban may be experienced as mental cleansing,
possibly mental clarity, and, often, mental overwhelm.
On a Kaban day, you may clear your mind
by watching the movement and content of your thinking
without attachment or judgement.
This will enable you to think more clearly
and focus your thoughts on a higher level of consciousness.

Those born with Kaban as their Daykeeper
tend to have unique mental abilities
with a potential to be clear thinkers.
Those talents can be used to access higher levels of consciousness
and effectively resolve conflicts and complex problems.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Kaban days this year Jan 20th, Feb 9th, March 1st, 21st, April 10th, 30th, May 20th, June 9th, 29th, July 19th, Aug 8th, 28th

The Interconnection of Loneliness & The Great Teachers ~ Today’s Daykeeper Kib

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Loneliness & The Great Teachers ~  The Twenty Great Teachers: Rage, Care, Pain, The Physical, Feelings, Sex, Honesty, Testing, Victory, Confrontation, Raw Power, Spirit, Death, Fear, Defeat, Loneliness, Need, Seeking, Love, Patience. If you look at the one thing they have in common, it is you experience them alone. Even if you are with someone when you experience something, your experience is still yours & yours alone.

Should you not be able to experience these things without sharing them to be validated, I would hazard a guess that one of the reasons is, you feel lonely. If you share an experience without the need to share, usually this is an indicator that you are in balance.

If you need to share, & without sharing feel incomplete, this points to needing outside validation of your experience. Most of the time this is an indicator that in this area you are out of balance. This is not good or bad, it is just illuminating where you are ready to heal right now. You are now at choice to look at why you need validation or choose to not look at it at this time.

When you choose to heal needing outside validation, and get to the place where the only validation of your experience comes from within, you will no longer feel lonely. You may be alone, but being alone does not automatically mean that you are lonely. This is an empowering place to sit in.

Great teachers, loneliness, mayan, daykeeper, Kib, solitude, balance, interdependent, healingthroughceremony.com, michele fire-riverheartSo I invite you to have some alone time or if feasible an alone day, & see how comfy you feel. You might find that you really love your alone time, & have no need to share it orally or on social media with others. If you share things on social media this negates the whole point. It is yours, to hold close to your heart & to nourish yourself.

16 – The Great Teacher of Loneliness
Loneliness teaches us about mastery of power

As we heal and grow, quite often we loose friends and family, as commonalities drop away and the relationships that no longer serve us dissolve. We may find that our circle diminishes in size as we heal and change. Can we stay true to our spirit’s calling and honour the path that serves us the most?

Loneliness when alone is tolerable, loneliness when in relationship and I have abandoned myself is not.

What has the teacher of loneliness taught you?
Are you lonely on your own?
Are you lonely in relationship?
Are you lonely in a crowd?
Can you experience being alone and not being lonely?
Do you like who you’re with, in the quiet moments when you have only yourself for company?

16 – The Sixteen ~ SIXTEEN is called the Sphere of THE GREAT TEACHERS
The Great Teachers are always Present with Life. They encourage all people to Remember that Life is Holy. Come, dancers, and show Greatness to your Children. Teach them of our Lives.
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

16 – Mayan Daykeeper Kib ~ Kib’s essence is solitude.

You may experience Kib as the need for solitude or the desire for separation.
Being alone is often necessary to unwind
from intimate or entangled interactions with others.
Kib’s gifts are given to those that can be alone with themselves.

On a day with Kib as Daykeeper,
you may want to find time to be by yourself
or focus on what you can do by yourself alone.
It is an opportune time to separate yourself
from people and things that no longer serve your current needs.
You may feel much better after bringing certain things to a final conclusion.

People born on a Kib day often experience
their most profound revelations in solitude and usually work best alone.
Even in the presence of others
they are able to maintain an independent awareness of self.

This is an excerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Kib days this year Jan 19th, Feb 8th, 28th, March 20th, April 9th, 29th, May 19th, June 8th, 28th, July 18th, Aug 7th, 27th

The Interconnection of Defeat & Collective Consciousness of all Humans ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Men

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Defeat & the Collective Consciousness of all Humans ~ This interconnection speaks to how we are all linked from an energetic perspective. Ever noticed what happens in a room full of happy people when someone really angry or sad comes in? Now you may say, ‘Well yes Michele, but we can see the person and their mood expressed all over their body’. While this is true, what is also true is that if all the people were in a dark room, that angry or sad energy would still be felt, regardless of visual clues.

So how we engage with defeat also affects all those we engage with, and ripples out eventually through all of humanity. Ever experienced mob mentality? Demonstrations & sporting events are two places I have, and the energy was like a breaking wave, sweeping all in it’s path, with it. The same principle is at play there.

Great teachers, defeat, mayan daykeeper men, vision of the future, a new goal, abundance, achieve, insight, healing through ceremony, michele fire-river heart

 

 

After a recent defeat did you notice the ripples you made?
How did that make you feel?
What did you learn?
What did you do that was positive?
What could you have done differently?

 

 

 

 

15 – The Great Teacher of Defeat
Defeat teaches us about self-discipline

So we all have defeats in life, that’s normal, it’s how we handle defeat that makes all the difference in our ability to move forward, to do something different, to learn & grow. I’m going to use addiction again as it’s what I know the most intimately. There is this false notion that addicts are weak ……. ‘Why don’t they just say no, why don’t they just use some self control, why don’t they use their willpower?’ All crap, addicts do all these things regularly, it is their constant battleground, along with the teacher of defeat? Time and time again we see addicts ‘fall of the wagon, relapse’, this is also seen as weak, yet if you are learning to ride a bike for example, there are moments when you absolutely get it, and then you fall. Do we see this as weak? No we see it as a learning curve. Sobriety is no different. How quickly you learn, depends on many factors, but one is how you handle these defeats. Do you beat yourself up, or accept that you relapsed, forgive yourself, look for the triggers and situations that were present when you relapsed, learn from that and try again. Trust me the latter although another learning curve to attain, is dramatically more effective. How about learning to drive, school, university, saying no to sugar, eating healthily, exercising regularly, being kind to yourself, I imagine many of you have had defeats in these areas & learning curves on minimizing defeat & how you handle it.

How do you handle defeat?
Are some defeats easier than others?
Why?
What strategies do you use after a defeat?
What have you learnt from defeat?

I offer many techniques and tools through my shamanic coaching practice. To find out more contact me.

15 – The Fifteen ~ FIFTEEN is the Number of the Sphere of the COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS OF ALL HUMANS
Every thought ever imagined or acted upon by a human in the past, present or future, or within the movement of Life, exists within the Great Human Library of human imagination and Discovery.
Come, Children of Destiny and Creativity, let your Imaginations be guided by the Sacred and Perfect balance of the Creatress Mother and the Creator Father.
Teach Humanity how to Build in Beauty
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

15 – Mayan Daykeeper Men ~ The essence of Men, is fundamentally having the ability to envision, focus and manifest an abundant life in all aspects.

Men often manifests as a new idea or vision.
With this comes the ability to recognize a new goal or desire
and opportunities not apparent to others.
Men may visit you with a clear vision
of your potential for wealth and well-being.

On Men’s day, you can benefit by visualizing your true desires.
Be open to new ideas and unexpected insights.
Take the steps to advance your wealth and well-being.

Those born with Men as their Daykeeper
are natural producers and visionaries.
They can envision and bring together
the resources needed for the manifestation
of something larger than themselves,
something that involves the work and input of many people.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Men days this year Jan 18th, Feb 7th, 27th, March 19th, April 8th, 28th, May 18th, June 7th, 27th, July 17th, Aug 6th, 26th

The Interconnection of Fear & Sweet Medicine (Collective consciousness of animals) ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Ix

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Fear & Sweet Medicine (Collective Consciousness of Animals) ~ Animals are such wonderful mirrors for fear. When they are physically at risk, their reaction is immediate. However I imagine they do not sit and worry about what might happen next to put them at risk again. That said you can see that they learn from it. We know this, due to the fact that where there is no human interaction with wild animals they do not go on alert when we are around. Unfortunately we are the threat to so many animals.

If you have a totem animal, I invite you to engage with it, and ask it questions around fear that would help your life walk. If not just observe an animal you have an affinity for and see what their naturalness is around fear. Animals offer us a mirror of fear in balance.

Couldn’t resist this photo, no question if these animals are in fear or not! Love it.

Great Teachers, Fear, mayan, daykeeper, Ix, messages, spirit, meditation, inter dimensional, spirit, receptivity, fawn, healingthroughceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

14 – The Teacher of Fear
Fear teaches us about the unknown

Fear is a part of life, it warns you of danger, but it can also inhibit growth and stop you from living fully. When fear is no longer a tool to keep you safe, but rather the driving principle behind something, well, you can do all kinds of things we normally would not do, and you can become stuck and unable to move forward. The tricky part in your healing journey is recognizing what the fear is, sometimes we cannot see it ourselves. This is where engaging with another person that will hold a space for your healing work, quite often will help you flush it out, so you can then address it. When you push through your fear into the unknown, empowerment awaits.

Now fear is a tricky thing. Once I jumped off a 30 foot cliff into a lake, I was afraid to jump, but behind that was my attachment to my mate at the time. I wanted to look courageous to his friends that I had just met. So because I was not addressing the fear that I should have been …. being myself no matter who I had just met, I did something that I was afraid of, and let me tell you I hated it. I pushed through a fear, but there was  no empowerment there. The empowerment would have come if I had not jumped.

I allowed my fear of feeling to keep me trapped in addiction and in relationships that didn’t work anymore. I allowed my fear of not having enough money keep me in jobs that were destroying my body and soul. When I pushed through those fears, wow it was huge, I felt like Wonder Woman. Any time I allow fear to control me, I loose power and self esteem. I now know how to push through fear, and that staying stuck in the fear will be worse than the unknown. There is one area of my life where I have unaddressed fear, I am aware of it, and writing this blog has put it front and centre for me. Dang! What I am doing with it is addressing it slowly, it is a big one, and I’m doing the best I can right now. That said, more often than not the ‘power moments’ that I have had in my life, have one thing in common, I pushed through fear.

Where is fear keeping you stuck?
Where have you pushed through fear?
What did you learn from each?

14 – The Fourteen ~ FOURTEEN is the Number for SWEET MEDICINE

Sweet Medicine and his Female-Twin-Reflection are the Spirit of all Animals.
Every animal – that flies, walks, crawls or swims is a cell that forms the Great Body and  Knowing of Sweet Medicine and His Twin.
Children, teach your elders of the many different ways of Being and Dancing
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)
Another way of looking at this number is The Collective Consciousness of The Animals

14 – Mayan Daykeeper Ix ~ The essence of Ix is the ability of  the spiritual realm to communicate in the physical realm. An ability to communicate in both.

Ix may manifest as an awareness of spirit
and what may be considered supernatural.

On an Ix day, you may want to be more open
to messages from the spirit world.
It is a good day to contemplate who you are
in dimensions of life other than just the material and physical.

Those born on an Ix day
have the ability to perceive the spirit within.
They can respond to this spirit
and receive it’s communication while in the physical world.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ix days this year Jan 17th, Feb 6th, 26th, March 18th, April 7th, 27th, May 17th, June 6th, 26th, July 16th, Aug 5th, 25th

The Interconnection of Death & White Buffalo Woman (Collective Consciousness of Plants) ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Ben

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Death & White Buffalo Woman (Collective Consciousness of Plants) ~ The most visible teacher of death from my perspective are the plants. Their cycle of birth, death & rebirth are there for all to see. The show us the naturalness of this cycle. One of the most miraculous things are seeds. The giant sequoia tree grows from a seed that is approx. half the size of a grain of rice, it boggles the mind. If that’s not magical transformation I’m not sure what is. Here’s some interesting facts about sequoias on Treehugger.com

Great Teachers, death, mayan, daykeeper, ben, family, offspring, interdependent, responsibility, support, kindred, clan, kin, devotion, intimate, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

13 – The Great Teacher of Death
Death teaches us about magical transformation

Death and change, death as an ally, death, death, death. Why do we have such a charge around death? In western cultures I surmise that it is lack of exposure. We rarely discuss it, and if we do it’s in hushed tones. We rarely see actual dead bodies, and more often than not, it’s in a funeral home where the body has been pumped full of chemicals and made up to imitate life. Television and movies shows us death, but there they do it to trigger fear in us for the most part, and it’s not a real representation of common death at all. We even give death fake names….passed on, passed over, passed away, left us, gone to heaven, gone to be with Jesus, gone to the great (Insert your belief) in the sky, no longer with us, popped his/her/their clogs, kicked the bucked, shuffled off this mortal coil, carked it, pegged out, pushing up the daisies, at peace, at rest, belly up, beyond the veil, beyond the grave, bite the dust, cashed in their chips, bite the big one, bought the farm, come to a sticky end, crossed the Jordan, counting worms, croaked, departed this life, well it goes on and on, we are very creative when it comes to talking about death in a round about way. So why? My guess it is because it is the great unknown, most people do not have substantial information of what really happens, so we cling to whatever works for us to not make it so scary.

My experiences with The Death Cafe (Which on Gabriola will start up again at our library this fall) have shown me that, the more people talk about death and dying, the less charge there is about it. Unbelievably the most common thing to hear at our Death Cafes is laughter. The more exposure we have to actual dead bodies the less fear there is. It is a transition just like birth, we are just birthing into another realm. (Those of you with no belief in the spirit realm, well just ignore this part) Just like birth it is a magical experience. The sadness that comes with death is only present in those left behind, and only if there is unresolved attachment. If there is no unresolved attachment we have no sadness, our sadness is all about us, not the person or animal buddy that has died.

More on death and dying

So can we get to the point where we see death as a magical transformation? From my and other people’s experiences yes, yes we can. When we do, the charge around death goes away. We can then commune with our friends and ancestors in a different way. They are now free of their egoic selves (if they were human) and the relationship can sometimes change dramatically. I have a much better relationship with my dad now, than I did in life, doesn’t mean I don’t still wish I could hug him.

I leave you with Monty Python who has no problem talking about death, humour is a great for grounding tool. The parrot sketch, enjoy!

……. ‘It’s stone dead. This parrot is no more! It’s ceased to be! It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It’s curled up its tootsies and shuffled off this mortal coil! This is an ex-parrot!’

13 – The Thirteen ~ THIRTEEN is the Number for WHITE BUFFALO WOMAN
She and her male-twin-reflection are the spirit of all the plants.
Every flower, tree, grass, herb, vegetable and underwater plant is a  cell that forms the Great Body knowing of White Buffalo Woman and her Twin.
Children, show the dancers how to Dance in the Wild and Healing places.
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)
Another way of looking at this number is The Collective Consciousness of The Plants

13 – Mayan Daykeeper Ben ~ The essence of Ben is our connection to our ancestral lines. Ben is that feeling of family, the warm cozy one. I know that is not true for all of you, however families are created in many ways, through blood, through choice, through friendship.  In all cases you have an opportunity to learn from your interactions with your families.  Ben holds the energy of interdependent family relationships not co-dependent ones.

Ben expresses in the human experience as
the awareness of family, including both ancestors and
the future potential of the family.

On a Ben day, there may be a general focus on the family
or other dependent relationships.
You may feel more intimate with others around you.
Be careful not to engage those close to you in obsolete family patterns.

Those born with Ben as their Daykeeper
are often responsible and devoted family members.
They may assume the responsibility of being the caretaker of the family

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ben days this year Jan 16th, Feb 5th, 25th, March 17th, April 6th, 26th, May 16th, June 5th, 25th, July 15th, Aug 4th, 24th

The Interconnection of Spirit & All the Planets ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Eb

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Spirit & All the Planets ~ Well I got nothing, let me contemplate this ……..Okay this may not be within everyone’s paradigm however. Planets are spiritual entities in and of themselves. Evolving and growing just like we do. In addition I have to believe looking at the numbers that there are other planets with life, and within that life, other spirits. Hopefully I didn’t make anyone’s head explode, but if I did, pick up the pieces and let’s move on. This is just an invitation to consider the possibilities.

great teachers, spirit, mayan, daykeeper, eb, spirit, awareness, angel, spirit guide, expanded, healingthroughceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

12 – The Twelfth Great Teacher is Spirit
Spirit teaches us about form and formlessness

So we’re talking about all types of spirit, your own and others. We learn by being a spirit in human form and we learn from our connections with the spirit realm and for some people ‘the great spirit’/God/universal intelligence/fill in your own belief should you have one. We learn by both spirit’s presence and absence. When we are connected to spirit we tap into a much bigger realm than the physical realm that we can see. The way you connect to spirit, is as individual as you are. There is no one right way, the way you connect with spirit is the right way for you at this time. There are also many different ways to connect with spirit and I find that some are easier for me than others.

A question I am regularly asked is do I or have I done ayahuasca, peyote, marajuana or other mind expanding drugs to make a connection with spirit. No I have not, while it is said that evidence has shown great benefit for releasing addiction for example using ayahuasca and  ibogaine, these are extreme circumstances. I believe that yes these mind altering chemicals can connect us to other spiritual realms but are not necessary to connecting with spiritual realms. From what I have read they were also not handed out willy nilly to folks for recreation use, but rather for specific ceremonial rites. Have faith in yourself you are actually all you need to connect with spirit.

In addition I have found that the more I practise the greater my ability to connect with spirit becomes. When we cut ourselves off from life, our ability to connect with spirit is one of the casualties. We cannot expect to have an awareness of subtle vibrations when we are not present in our bodies.

Our bodies are our antennas, the more energy our bodies have the greater our ability to transmit and receive, we are electro-magnetic beings after all.

What is your relationship to your spirit?
What have you learnt by being connected to spirit?
What have you learnt when not connected to spirit?
What do you want to learn from spirit?

12 – The Twelve ~ TWELVE is the number for all the PLANETS
Come, dancers, orbit your Sacred Self, guiding your children to Honour Mother Life.
Mother Earth is a special Planet, for She has Birthed you and can Birth all Life
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

12 – Mayan Daykeeper Eb ~ Eb is an energy, guardian angel/entity, spirit guide, (fill in your own belief word). An energy that helps you connect between the physical & spiritual realms.

Eb often appears as a guide or a powerful force
that assists you on your journey.
Eb may come to you from within or through someone else.
On days with Eb as a Daykeeper,
you may more easily access spiritual awareness and
expanded states of consciousness.
It is a good day to contact inner guides
or draw inspiration to attain a higher perspective on daily affairs.

Those born with Eb as their Daykeeper,
have a natural ability to attain a spiritual, expanded awareness.
When inspired they can guide other to their true path
to begin fulfilling their higher purpose

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Eb days this year Jan 15th, Feb 4th, 24th, March 16th, April 5th, 25th, May 15th, June 4th, 24th, July 14th, Aug 3rd, 23rd

The Interconnection of Raw Power & The Sacred Stars ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Cheun

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The Interconnection of Raw Power and The Sacred Stars ~ Stars are an example of raw power and you are made of star stuff, 93% of the mass of your body in fact. For the science behind this here are two links. PhysicsCentral.com and Physics.org 

Thank you to Miriam Williamson for this amazing description from her book ‘A Return To Love’. I know it’s been well used, but I personally find it touches me deeply each and every time I read it. If the word ‘God’ is not within your paradigm, replace it with your own word, or delete it entirely. It does not diminishes the message.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

great teachers, raw power, mayan, daykeeper, Cheun, creativity, art, joy, interplay, craftspeople, delight, union, stars, stardust, Pixabay.com, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

11 – The Eleventh Great Teacher is Raw Power
Raw Power is the greatest amount of power you can tap in to. You can use it to destroy or create. Physical excellence is a determining factor of how much raw power you have access to, as the healthier you are, the more energetic resources you have. However even if you are ill, you still have raw power that you can access.

So what the heck does that mean anyway, there was no dictionary definition for raw power that I could find. There is one person on this island who has such outstanding physical strength above the norm, that it is one of the first things I hear about him. This is not attained by weight training, it is who he is naturally. There is another person I know that is deemed ‘a powerful person’ and it has nothing at all to do with the physical ability of strength. They are both examples of raw power. Now put those two types of raw power together and whoa mama, that is a person who has raw power that will ooze out of their pores to an extent that everyone would notice.

Now imagine if you will, a 5′ 3″ middle aged average woman, wielding only a pink umbrella, going head to head with a 6′ male gang leader in order to protect a young man being burned with cigarettes on the ground. Rationally the outcome would not be good, however it was. Why would that gang leader with 4 of his minions with him, back down, when confronted by this little woman who he could squish like a bug, or order her squished. Well many reasons, but the most important was her raw power. It was not her physicality that had any sway, what he analyzed was the energy presented, and deemed it to be a risk not worth taking.

Different scenario, a person is the only survivor of a small plane crash in the mountains
in winter. Yet against all odds makes it to a town and survives. Why? Raw power.

Next, a person born into terrible circumstances, nothing going for them. Makes a success out of their life, creating what they imagined when they had nothing ….. raw power.

Ghandi, Mandela, Dr. Vandana Shiva ……. raw power!

I’m using extreme examples to make a point, we all have raw power and we don’t need to be in extreme situations to use it. We can use it to create our world or destroy it, to defend ourselves or others, we use it in our dreaming and intending.

How do you feel about your own or others raw power?
Do you embrace it or fear it?
What have you used it for?
What are you using it for?
What could you use it for?

11 – The Eleven ~ ELEVEN is the Number for all the STARS.
Come, Children, be a Source of Light in your own Life Dance.
The Sun is a Star, and all the Stars are Suns
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

11 – Mayan Daykeeper Cheun ~ Cheun’s essence is the imaginative blending when we create alone or together, and the enjoyment that comes from these creations.

Those who are experiencing Chuen’s presence
may feel an energetic high and
a positive sense of power in their ability
to responsibly create their reality.

On Cheun’s day, you may experience creative,
artistic desires and abilities,
an openness to play and an ability to enjoy life.
It’s a day to be a conscious co-creator and a joyful,
positive participant in the creation of life.

Those born with Chuen as their Daykeeper
may be happy-go-lucky, enjoy responsibility or
be envied by others for their good fortune.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Cheun days this year Jan 14th, Feb 3rd, 23rd, March 15th, April 4th, 24th, May 14th, June 3rd, 23rd, July 13th, Aug 2nd, 22nd

The Interconnection of Confrontation with Pure Intellect & Measure ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Ok

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The interconnection between Confrontation with Pure Intellect and Measure (See below) ~ Reason and self choice (Pure intellect & measure), confrontation teaching us the measure of self worth. Reason leads to self choice leads to self worth. As a mathematical equation? A + B = C Quite often I will use A + C = B as for me when I am deciding on a course of action that is a wee bit challenging for me, how I will feel at the end of making each choice, will help me make the choice that leads me to feel better about myself. Back to pacing in front of the donut case.

If I choose the donut, oooh the sweet taste and ensuing neuro-chemical rush of sugar will be lovely for a few moments, then I will get the next rush, guilt, shame and blame, then I will get to choose to do healing & forgiveness. If I choose not to do the healing & forgiveness, well I get to carry around my guilt, shame and blame. Which robs me of energy and time ……. not pleasant, and will probably lead to more emotional stuffing with donuts. See that cycle.

If I choose not to eat the donut, then I get a rush of satisfaction, pride and empowerment, and the odds of me wanting that donut tomorrow is greatly reduced.

Therefore, for me to run an internal play of each scenario, including how I will feel in each, helps me make the choice that is most beneficial for me.
A + C = B …… Reason + Self worth = Self choice which results in
A + B = C …… Reason + Self Choice = Positive self worth.

Great teachers, Confrontation, mayan, daykeeper, Ok, carnal yearnings, touch, affection, desire, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

10 – The Tenth Great Teacher is Confrontation
Confrontation teaches us the measure of self-worth

Confrontation a biggie I suspect for many of us, it certainly is for me. Well what does it really do for us anyway, why bother, things could get messy, I don’t like messy?

Confrontation is about truth, yours and others.  It shows us how willing we are to stand by our beliefs, protect ourselves and others, how much courage we have, how well we communicate. It can be about working with the tool of confrontation to figure out a new way of doing things, teach us about new perspectives, and how to communicate effectively and authentically even when challenged. It can teach us about speaking our truth without attacking others. It teaches us to stay grounded even in reactionary situations.

For me I have a long history of denying my truth in confrontation. My mom had major control issues (Stemming out of her childhood experiences, she was doing the best she could), so when I was told something about myself that I knew wasn’t true, I would confront her with my truth, she would then inform me of my mistake and that her truth about me, was the truth. I would again speak my truth to have it yet again shot down. These confrontations would continue until I caved, and just let her have her way. This pattern of behaviour of mine to back down when confronted, stayed with me through most of my marriage (Yes I married a partner just like mom), until I healed enough to stand in my truth. Once that happened the marriage ended, I had learnt what I needed to in the relationship, and a big part of that was being authentic when in confrontation. However confrontation although I could do it, now more often than not, came in the form of anger, and often just not being very present at all. It was the way I chose to be able to speak my truth, but that’s not very effective, we are not heard when we make a point in anger. I then went on to learn and practice confrontation from a balanced, neutral place, which is still an edge for me, but I can do it more often than not.

With neutrality came the awareness of when confrontation is important. Can we confront others in a way that they can hear, speak their language, and discern if it’s even worthwhile. As with all our lessons, we get what we are able to handle. So now I have someone in my life who against all physical evidence will argue the contrary, I have learnt to let it go, there is no point to confrontation. I am almost okay with this, when I am totally okay with it I wonder will I have graduated from confrontation class?

What has confrontation taught you? Are you unhappy, and prefer to remain that way rather than confront the cause? Are there particular people or issues you will not confront? How do you confront? What do the answers to these questions teach you about yourself?

10 – The Ten ~ TEN is the Number for PURE INTELLECT and MEASURE.
Creation gave humans the power of Reason and Self Choice. Ten is also the number of the humans’ HIGHER SELF, their Sacred Twin, what can give greater measure than this Spirit-knowing?
Come, Children, have you met your Self and Know Existence?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

10 – Mayan Daykeeper Ok ~ The essence of Ok is the pure energy of carnal yearnings. It is also an awareness of our connection to our primordial instincts & intuitive senses.

Ok may be experienced as a heightened sensitivity to your inner feelings and desires,
as well as enhanced awareness of your environment.

Ok may express as a strong desire, a sense of loyalty
or the need to allow desire to guide your actions.
Ok’s days are good for allowing yourself to be guided by your desires and intuition,
trusting yourself and enjoying every moment.

Those born on a Ok day may be loyal, flamboyant, intuitive
and available for the true desires of the moment.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ok days this year Jan 13th, Feb 2nd, 22nd, March 14th, April 3rd, 23rd, May 13th, June 2nd, 22nd, July 12th, 22nd, Aug 1st, 21st