HEALING through CEREMONY, healing, ceremony, healing ceremony, shamanism, past history, past relationship, pain, past relationship pain be gone, Michele fire-river heart, medicine woman, Gabriola island, British Columbia, Canada, focus, perspective, attention, addiction, sobriety, feelings, hope

Addiction is an adaptation to survive

This is a touchy subject that creates strong reactions. If you think I’m full of shit that’s okay, your truth is your own, all I can do is share my truth at this particular moment in time.

You are always doing the best you can even if it doesn’t look pretty.

I was recently in a group where someone mentioned an addict with disgust and contempt. This attitude is quite common in my experience. I intellectually know it is about them, whether a mirror for themselves, or having been in relationship with an addict, or just general ignorance. Whatever it is it pisses me off, and yes pissing me off is ‘my’ stuff as I was once an addict for many, many years. That also gives me a unique perspective into addiction. Which is the reason for this blog post and at least one more to come. I don’t talk about my experience with addiction much anymore, as telling the story takes me right back there, rekindling those memory pathways of an old story that does not serve me. However my intuition has nudged me, letting me know it was important to tell it today.

Addiction is a disease …. oh bite me. Even if you believe that, it’s a disease that can be cured. Not everyone succeeds, but that is true of a lot of diseases. You are not fated to carry around the “I am an addict banner”, once successfully sober. More on the “successfully sober” bit in later posts.

So how I define addiction: any behaviour that you do repetitively to deflect your attention from your reality and your pain, that negatively affects you and by extension your life. That creates imbalance even if it is a means to an end. Addiction is not in the substance, addiction is in the behaviour.

We are an addictive culture, it is common for people to use addiction as a way to survive the stress of daily life, past trauma (acknowledged or not), fear of the unknown and many other things that make us uncomfortable. What is uncommon is people realizing and/or admitting it, especially before it is affecting their lives in extreme ways.

We learn to adapt to our environment starting from birth, adapting at all costs to survive. We are at the mercy of our caregivers whether they are nice or not and society at large. So we change who we are to fit in, to be loved, to be taken care of, and once we grow up we’ve often forgotten or indeed have no awareness at all of those bit by bit changes we made in order to make ourselves feel safe.

In order to feel safe, self-soothe or escape the pain of our reality, some of us retreat within ourselves, becoming meek and quiet. Others of us fight for ourselves and our childhood is peppered with discord within our relationships, or become people pleasers always helping everyone. Some of us become over-controlling as a way to feel ok, and others becoming mean or a bully to reduce the feeling of helplessness. Some start with addictive behaviours to self-sooth, often with food as the first addiction. Other’s become pompous asses to hide feelings of inadequacy.  No one is better or worse than another, they are all a way to stop the feelings of pain that comes with betraying ourselves (remembered or not), the anger at unjust treatment, lies, deceptions, not being given unconditional love, and for some not even having their daily basic needs met, and having nowhere to go or no-one that believes you or in you. It is a way for some of us to stop wanting to blow our brains out, escape this reality and not feel or hurt again.

…….. So now you’re an adult.

If you are an addict it is okay,
congratulations you found a way to survive,
not everyone does.

I encourage you, to not to go into judgement, shame and blame, or if you do, forgive yourself as often as is necessary and carry on doing the best you can. This blog and the one(s) to come are meant to give you hope that sobriety is possible. If you’re an addict you are on a journey which is giving you skills and abilities that you can cross-train to attain sobriety. If you are not an addict well, here’s a window into the world of a woman who once was.

Shame, blame and judgement are damaging emotions, and counterproductive to sobriety. In fact they kept me locked into addiction like a vice.

A week in the head of the addict I used to be.
An average addictive week starting on a Monday …

– Off to work feeling depressed, overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally
– I got high Friday and Saturday night, not Sunday as I had to work today, so that was something
– I vowed to not use again when I woke up on Sunday morning

Now the weekly game is afoot, because the first thing I want to do to not feel my emotional pain, is to use again.
– My infernal internal dialogue is off and running, all day long as usual…..
Judgement, judgement, judgement “How could you use again, why can’t you be stronger, why can’t you just say no, look at the money you spent, see how bad you feel now, but I want to use, you can’t use, I want to use, you can’t use, I know I vowed I wouldn’t but ……. I want to.” Rinse repeat, rinse repeat, rinse repeat.

– I need to escape from myself and my continuous judgement and internal dialogue. I cannot I am trapped in my own head.
– I need to escape the push and pull of wanting to use and saying no, over and over and over again.
– I can’t make my head shut up, my Itty Bitty Shitty Committee is working overtime
– I feel awful, physically, mentally, emotionally I am a basket case
– My neurochemistry is now so low my ability to even fight my desires are at a really low ebb.
– “It’s only Monday you can hang on until Friday Michele, you cannot work hungover you know that, okay, push through it, perhaps by Friday you’ll feel better and not want to use”

But nothing changes, I fight with my overwhelming desire to use all week long.

I have made it to Friday. I have accomplished sobriety for 5 days in a row. Hooray for me. Unfortunately I still want to use, and now I have been doing battle with myself for approx. 130 hrs straight I am exhausted. I don’t have to work tomorrow, I’m sooo tired of the battle, I hate myself, I am disgusted by my inability to not want to use, disgusted by my previous behaviour, what is wrong with me, why can’t I just say no.
I cannot hold the pain and stay present anymore.

– It’s Friday, I’ll just get high tonight, no work tomorrow
– F..k it I’m going to score
– Then I have to go about acquiring it, and seeing as booze isn’t my thing, I can’t just go to the store, so…. (Just imagine the stress of acquiring an illegal substance, that you may or may not even be able to get and now that you’ve said yes to yourself, you are let’s say … very determined. Anxious to be able to get or not get, anxious to not get busted. I was lucky I never got busted, and if you think getting busted would have stopped me from using as soon as I got out back then, you are wrong.)

And so I score and I use again,
– Oh sweet holy h_ll, I feel good and I feel happy for the first time all week.
– No more pain, emotional, physical or mental.
– Zippidy do da zippidy day, my oh my what a wonderful day!
– I am out of my body, out of my head, my internal dialogue is gone. I get to focus on anything other than wanting to use.
– But of course once it’s gone, then begins the slow slide back to the hell of the reality I have created
– I wake up sober in absolute horror over having used yet again and what I did when I used. When we mind alter with anything, it changes how we act and behave.
– My constant companions judgement, shame and blame show up as usual, creating a new layer of emotional pain. Addicts are really really good at beating themselves up, we don’t need any help really, we got this!
– Hungover and now feeling so bad about my behaviours on top of depressed, overwhelmed and stressed …….

– It’s Saturday – using last night has tipped the scales on my ability to fight. I don’t have to work tomorrow.
– I’m going to use ….. I’m done!
– I’ll stop tomorrow, I’ve got work on Monday …….

“Just Say NO!”  ………   What a load of crap!
Now there was a campaign that wiggled its way into the hearts and minds of many.

What a lovely thought ‘Just say No”. Why didn’t I think of that……

All be it perhaps well intentioned, that campaign has done soooo much harm to addicts I can’t even tell you. That ridiculous campaign,  became embedded in the beliefs of  western culture.

Addicts say ‘No’ to themselves all day long, constantly fighting to not cave to their addiction, fighting their overwhelming sense of disgust with themselves, fighting the pain, fighting the judgement, shame and blame they heap on themselves.

I no longer dance with addiction, but admittedly I still on occasion eat too much sugar and indulge in zoning out with movies and tv. The difference is now I have so many years of sobriety and a mountain of healing work behind me. I have the advantage of neurochemistry that is not in the toilet, and the wisdom to know myself well and what strategies I need to implement, so that I do not allow those those behaviours to go unchecked for very long.

I now consider myself healed from addiction, with a predisposition for addictive tendencies. I do not fear falling back into the need to mind alter to get away from the life I have and am creating. I also now know that where my neurochemistry is at, which dramatically changes how I am feeling, and by default how ‘at risk’ I might be to depression. Depression for me was what was underlying my addiction in the past, and is probably underlying almost everybody’s addictive behaviours.

My next post will deal with how I got sober and some sciency stuff, to help explain our neurochemistry a bit more.

Q & A with a hand full of bullshit thrown in for good measure
We only react to things that we have ‘stuff’ with.
So why do you need that glass of wine/joint/codeine/etc. every day?
Imagine that you will never be able to get alcohol/joint/codeine/etc. of any sort again?
How do you feel now?
Is there a wee bit of panic rising, discomfort?

What is that glass of wine/joint/codeine/etc. doing for you? What’s the gain, there’s always a gain?

“Well I only have one glass of wine everyday, I’m not an addict”
“I only drink/toke socially”
“I toke, but doesn’t everyone and it’s legal now, doesn’t make me an addict”
“Exercising 3 hrs every day is good for me, not addiction”
“My doctor prescribed these”
“I only shop all the time to get the deals, and the shipping is free! I’ve got Amazon Prime”
“I’m just having a challenging time right now”
“I’m not an addict, I can stop whenever I want” (This is my favourite piece of bullshit)
“I only get high on the weekends” – This was my bullshit and my control mechanism, most of the time

Blah blah blah …… At a certain point we own our truth and things get better from there

The Imaginings ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw

 

 

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This 20 day cycle is completed today. Tomorrow brings a new cycle, what is to come? Animal Totems.

Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw ~ The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd, 22nd, Aug 11th, 31st, Sept 20th

Basic Needs ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Ok

Your interpretation and experience is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to find your own truths and their relevance in your life. This is really important. If something resonates great, if not chuck it out. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey and manifesting what you want.

On Sept 21st Mayan Daykeeper Imix brought us back to the beginning of a new cycle of 20 days. This cycle we are looking at creation through imagination. The relevant daily information on today’s Mayan Daykeeper is below todays musings.

We are creators of our lives, what we imagine we create.

We are looking at ‘The Twelve Imaginings’. The were given to Hyemeyohsts Storm by Estcheemah. She was a Zero Chief. Hyemeyohsts wrote these down in his book Lightningbolt. What is a Zero Chief? My understanding is the Zero chiefs were a secret group of people that keep the spiritual & healing knowledge of the Native Americans when it needed to go underground, to preserve it and keep it safe due to colonization. Now I could be wrong, but there it is, make of it what you will.

We will do an imagining a day for 2 days. On the third day I will add an imagining of my own. You are invited to add imaginings of  your own in the comments section on any day. On the 20th day of the cycle I will list all the imaginings that have been submitted.

I imagine all humans have their basic needs covered

I invite you to sit with this imagining, and see what it means to you.

Here’s some of what it means to me:
~ We can focus on our gifts & abilities
~ We all have the opportunity to do work we’re passionate about
~ Poverty is no longer about money
~ Caring about each other is normal
~ Human happiness is the scale we use for change

imagine, imaginings, create, creator, mayan, daykeeper, Ok, carnal yearnings, touch, affection, desire, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

Mayan Daykeeper Ok ~ The essence of Ok is the pure energy of carnal yearnings. It is also an awareness of our connection to our primordial instincts & intuitive senses.

Ok may be experienced as a heightened sensitivity to your inner feelings and desires,
as well as enhanced awareness of your environment.

Ok may express as a strong desire, a sense of loyalty
or the need to allow desire to guide your actions.
Ok’s days are good for allowing yourself to be guided by your desires and intuition,
trusting yourself and enjoying every moment.

Those born on a Ok day may be loyal, flamboyant, intuitive
and available for the true desires of the moment.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ok days this year Jan 13th, Feb 2nd, 22nd, March 14th, April 3rd, 23rd, May 13th, June 2nd, 22nd, July 12th, 22nd, Aug 1st, 21st, Sept 10th

The 5th Imagining ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Lamat

Your interpretation and experience is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to find your own truths and their relevance in your life. This is really important. If something resonates great, if not chuck it out. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey and manifesting what you want.

On Sept 21st Mayan Daykeeper Imix brought us back to the beginning of a new cycle of 20 days. This cycle we are looking at creation through imagination. The relevant daily information on today’s Mayan Daykeeper is below todays musings.

We are creators of our lives, what we imagine we create.

We are looking at ‘The Twelve Imaginings’. The were given to Hyemeyohsts Storm by Estcheemah. She was a Zero Chief. Hyemeyohsts wrote these down in his book Lightningbolt. What is a Zero Chief? My understanding is the Zero chiefs were a secret group of people that keep the spiritual & healing knowledge of the Native Americans when it needed to go underground, to preserve it and keep it safe due to colonization. Now I could be wrong, but there it is, make of it what you will.

We will do an imagining a day for 2 days. On the third day I will add an imagining of my own. You are invited to add imaginings of  your own in the comments section on any day. On the 20th day of the cycle I will list all the imaginings that have been submitted.

The 5th Imagining ~ I imagine that I can live my Life and question my own experience and my Existence

I invite you to sit with this imagining, and see what it means to you.

Here’s some of what it means to me:
~ I choose what I decide to believe
~ I choose what I decide to experience
~ I choose what I decide to do with my life
~ I can change my life at any moment
~ I am never stuck unless I choose to be
~ My life doesn’t happen to me, I create the life I have
~ There is always something more to learn & experience
~ I can answer ‘Why am I here?’

Imagining, imagine, create, choice, mayan, daykeeper, lamat, creativity,growth, reproduce, potential, healingthroughceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

Mayan Daykeeper Lamat ~ Lamat’s essence is the creative process in all forms.

Lamat’s presence may be experienced as an inner awakening.
It may be a new truth revealing itself and developing.
Lamat may be a growth spurt,
with a sudden movement or development toward success or completion.
When Lamat is the Daykeeper,
you may find that certain activities move along more quickly and easily.
These are good days for manifestation
and for reproducing what has already been done.

Those born on a Lamat day may experience
a new potential within themselves.
It is an ability that appears to be unique
or different from that of family members, friends or associates

This is an excerpt from Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper please contact me and send your birthday

Previous Lamat days this year Jan 11th, 31st, Feb 20th, March 12th,  April 1st, 21st May 11th, 31st, June 20th, July 10th, 30th, Aug 19th, Sept 8th

The Teacher of Patience ~ Completion ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

This 20 day cycle is completed today. Tomorrow brings a new cycle, where I am completely changing it up. We will look at creation through imagination? I invite you today, to watch what you imagine about that, and the story you create to explain what is to come.

The Interconnection of Patience & Completion ~ For me the connection here, is that whenever I need patience, it is usually due to something that I could choose to be irritated about. It is something I need to slow down for. When I no longer need to be patient whatever it was, has been completed. I am no longer on the ferry, I have accomplished a task, someone else is finished doing whatever they were doing that I needed to be patient for. (Yes I am a fire sign!) Hence patience and completion go hand in hand.

Herons are such wonderful mirrors of patience. I’ve seen them stand watching & waiting to get a fish for hours, truly masters of the art. When they get the fish the cycle is completed and they start all over again.

Great teachers, patience, mayan, daykeeper, ahaw, cycles, time, completion, end, all-seeing, healing through ceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

20 – The Great Teacher of Patience
Patience teaches us about tolerance of the differences

If you need to bring in more patience, move to an island! Living on an island you either gain patience, are cranky or you move. The first thing one notices is the pace, the pace here is slower. One of the ways one can tell a visitor or new islander is by their pace. They have a faster pace, expect things faster, can’t believe we deal with ferries and contractors that are so busy, it leaves your timing, at their discretion. I was this person, I had no patience when I arrived, zero, zip, none.  Now when I leave the island I can’t wait to get back. One of the reasons, pace, which in retrospect is quite amusing.

One of the biggest teachers of patience is the ferry. Ferries are slow, one has to wait in line for it to arrive, it may be on time it may not. Then loading is slow, crossing is slow, unloading is slow, and waiting to get back on to go home is slow yet again. The amount of practice opportunities are immense, and the ferries alone was a major factor in me being able to  slow down, I had no choice, I was dependent upon them and had no influence over them, so what to do? Accept and have patience.

Our little island is very tolerant of differences, yes we have patience for the most part, but we also engage with more people we know on a daily basis than in a city. It’s much easier to blow up at someone in a city and walk away than on an island. We live with each other, we depend on each other, we need to get along. So just like most of our moms taught us, we learn to share, to make up, to forgive, to be okay with other peoples differences. Gabriolan’s are an eccentric bunch and proud of it, and most of us I imagine have developed patience with the side effect being we not only tolerate people’s differences, we revel in it.

20 – The Twenty ~ TWENTY is COMPLETION
This is the Return to the Great Zero where all things are Born, The Return to WahKahn and SsKwan.
Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

20 – Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw ~ The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd, 22nd, Aug 11th, 31st

The Interconnection of Confrontation with Pure Intellect & Measure ~ Today’s Daykeeper is Ok

Your interpretation and experience of these energies is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what they mean to you and their relevance in your life. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences and beliefs. The juice and healing comes from within your own understanding, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

This cycle I am looking at the interconnection between The Twenty Great Teachers of Life and The Earth Count. Let’s see what their interconnection has to teach us. The relevant daily information on each energy is below todays musings.

The interconnection between Confrontation with Pure Intellect and Measure (See below) ~ Reason and self choice (Pure intellect & measure), confrontation teaching us the measure of self worth. Reason leads to self choice leads to self worth. As a mathematical equation? A + B = C Quite often I will use A + C = B as for me when I am deciding on a course of action that is a wee bit challenging for me, how I will feel at the end of making each choice, will help me make the choice that leads me to feel better about myself. Back to pacing in front of the donut case.

If I choose the donut, oooh the sweet taste and ensuing neuro-chemical rush of sugar will be lovely for a few moments, then I will get the next rush, guilt, shame and blame, then I will get to choose to do healing & forgiveness. If I choose not to do the healing & forgiveness, well I get to carry around my guilt, shame and blame. Which robs me of energy and time ……. not pleasant, and will probably lead to more emotional stuffing with donuts. See that cycle.

If I choose not to eat the donut, then I get a rush of satisfaction, pride and empowerment, and the odds of me wanting that donut tomorrow is greatly reduced.

Therefore, for me to run an internal play of each scenario, including how I will feel in each, helps me make the choice that is most beneficial for me.
A + C = B …… Reason + Self worth = Self choice which results in
A + B = C …… Reason + Self Choice = Positive self worth.

Great teachers, Confrontation, mayan, daykeeper, Ok, carnal yearnings, touch, affection, desire, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

10 – The Tenth Great Teacher is Confrontation
Confrontation teaches us the measure of self-worth

Confrontation a biggie I suspect for many of us, it certainly is for me. Well what does it really do for us anyway, why bother, things could get messy, I don’t like messy?

Confrontation is about truth, yours and others.  It shows us how willing we are to stand by our beliefs, protect ourselves and others, how much courage we have, how well we communicate. It can be about working with the tool of confrontation to figure out a new way of doing things, teach us about new perspectives, and how to communicate effectively and authentically even when challenged. It can teach us about speaking our truth without attacking others. It teaches us to stay grounded even in reactionary situations.

For me I have a long history of denying my truth in confrontation. My mom had major control issues (Stemming out of her childhood experiences, she was doing the best she could), so when I was told something about myself that I knew wasn’t true, I would confront her with my truth, she would then inform me of my mistake and that her truth about me, was the truth. I would again speak my truth to have it yet again shot down. These confrontations would continue until I caved, and just let her have her way. This pattern of behaviour of mine to back down when confronted, stayed with me through most of my marriage (Yes I married a partner just like mom), until I healed enough to stand in my truth. Once that happened the marriage ended, I had learnt what I needed to in the relationship, and a big part of that was being authentic when in confrontation. However confrontation although I could do it, now more often than not, came in the form of anger, and often just not being very present at all. It was the way I chose to be able to speak my truth, but that’s not very effective, we are not heard when we make a point in anger. I then went on to learn and practice confrontation from a balanced, neutral place, which is still an edge for me, but I can do it more often than not.

With neutrality came the awareness of when confrontation is important. Can we confront others in a way that they can hear, speak their language, and discern if it’s even worthwhile. As with all our lessons, we get what we are able to handle. So now I have someone in my life who against all physical evidence will argue the contrary, I have learnt to let it go, there is no point to confrontation. I am almost okay with this, when I am totally okay with it I wonder will I have graduated from confrontation class?

What has confrontation taught you? Are you unhappy, and prefer to remain that way rather than confront the cause? Are there particular people or issues you will not confront? How do you confront? What do the answers to these questions teach you about yourself?

10 – The Ten ~ TEN is the Number for PURE INTELLECT and MEASURE.
Creation gave humans the power of Reason and Self Choice. Ten is also the number of the humans’ HIGHER SELF, their Sacred Twin, what can give greater measure than this Spirit-knowing?
Come, Children, have you met your Self and Know Existence?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

10 – Mayan Daykeeper Ok ~ The essence of Ok is the pure energy of carnal yearnings. It is also an awareness of our connection to our primordial instincts & intuitive senses.

Ok may be experienced as a heightened sensitivity to your inner feelings and desires,
as well as enhanced awareness of your environment.

Ok may express as a strong desire, a sense of loyalty
or the need to allow desire to guide your actions.
Ok’s days are good for allowing yourself to be guided by your desires and intuition,
trusting yourself and enjoying every moment.

Those born on a Ok day may be loyal, flamboyant, intuitive
and available for the true desires of the moment.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ok days this year Jan 13th, Feb 2nd, 22nd, March 14th, April 3rd, 23rd, May 13th, June 2nd, 22nd, July 12th, 22nd, Aug 1st, 21st

Patience as a Teacher ~ Completion ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw

Your interpretation and experience of this teacher is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what this teacher means to you and the lessons it has brought you thus far. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences. The juice and healing comes from within your own paradigm, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

20 – The Great Teacher of Patience
Patience teaches us about tolerance of the differences

Do you have patience?
How does patience change your experience?
When you don’t have patience how do you feel?
How does patience teach you about tolerating differences?

Great teachers, patience, mayan, daykeeper, ahaw, cycles, time, completion, end, all-seeing, healing through ceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

20 – The Twenty ~ TWENTY is COMPLETION
This is the Return to the Great Zero where all things are Born, The Return to WahKahn and SsKwan.
Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

20 – Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw ~ The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd, 22nd, August 11th

Confrontation as a Teacher ~ Pure Intellect & Measure ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ok

Your interpretation and experience of this teacher is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what this teacher means to you and the lessons it has brought you thus far. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences. The juice and healing comes from within your own paradigm, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

10 – The Tenth Great Teacher is Confrontation
Confrontation teaches us the measure of self-worth

How do you deal with confrontation?
Are you more likely to be confronted or confront?
Does this tell you anything about yourself?
How does confrontation teach you about self-worth?

Great teachers, Confrontation, mayan, daykeeper, Ok, carnal yearnings, touch, affection, desire, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

10 – The Ten ~ TEN is the Number for PURE INTELLECT and MEASURE.
Creation gave humans the power of Reason and Self Choice. Ten is also the number of the humans’ HIGHER SELF, their Sacred Twin, what can give greater measure than this Spirit-knowing?
Come, Children, have you met your Self and Know Existence?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

10 – Mayan Daykeeper Ok ~ The essence of Ok is the pure energy of carnal yearnings. It is also an awareness of our connection to our primordial instincts & intuitive senses.

Ok may be experienced as a heightened sensitivity to your inner feelings and desires,
as well as enhanced awareness of your environment.

Ok may express as a strong desire, a sense of loyalty
or the need to allow desire to guide your actions.
Ok’s days are good for allowing yourself to be guided by your desires and intuition,
trusting yourself and enjoying every moment.

Those born on a Ok day may be loyal, flamboyant, intuitive
and available for the true desires of the moment.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ok days this year Jan 13th, Feb 2nd, 22nd, March 14th, April 3rd, 23rd, May 13th, June 2nd, 22nd, July 12th, August 1st

The Teacher of Patience ~ Completion ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw

Your interpretation and experience of this teacher is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what this teacher means to you and the lessons it has brought you thus far. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences. The juice and healing comes from within your own paradigm, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

20 – The Great Teacher of Patience
Patience teaches us about tolerance of the differences

If you need to bring in more patience, move to an island! Living on an island you either gain patience, are cranky or you move. The first thing one notices is the pace, the pace here is slower. One of the ways one can tell a visitor or new islander is by their pace. They have a faster pace, expect things faster, can’t believe we deal with ferries and contractors that are so busy, it leaves your timing, at their discretion. I was this person, I had no patience when I arrived, zero, zip, none.  Now when I leave the island I can’t wait to get back. One of the reasons, pace, which in retrospect is quite amusing.

One of the biggest teachers of patience is the ferry. Ferries are slow, one has to wait in line for it to arrive, it may be on time it may not. Then loading is slow, crossing is slow, unloading is slow, and waiting to get back on to go home is slow yet again. The amount of practice opportunities are immense, and the ferries alone was a major factor in me being able to  slow down, I had no choice, I was dependent upon them and had no influence over them, so what to do? Accept and have patience.

Our little island is very tolerant of differences, yes we have patience for the most part, but we also engage with more people we know on a daily basis than in a city. It’s much easier to blow up at someone in a city and walk away than on an island. We live with each other, we depend on each other, we need to get along. So just like most of our moms taught us, we learn to share, to make up, to forgive, to be okay with other peoples differences. Gabriolan’s are an eccentric bunch and proud of it, and most of us I imagine have developed patience with the side effect being we not only tolerate people’s differences, we revel in it.

Below one of my great teachers of patience – The Quinsam

Great teachers, patience, mayan, daykeeper, ahaw, cycles, time, completion, end, all-seeing, healing through ceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

20 – The Twenty ~ TWENTY is COMPLETION
This is the Return to the Great Zero where all things are Born, The Return to WahKahn and SsKwan.
Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

20 – Mayan Daykeeper Ahaw ~ The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd, 22nd

The Teacher of Confrontation ~ Pure Intellect & Measure ~ Mayan Daykeeper Ok

Your interpretation and experience of this teacher is your own. I can only share my personal understanding, I invite you to explore what this teacher means to you and the lessons it has brought you thus far. This is really important. We gain nothing by ‘taking on’ others life experiences. The juice and healing comes from within your own paradigm, it is pivotal for your healing journey.

10 – The Tenth Great Teacher is Confrontation
Confrontation teaches us the measure of self-worth

Confrontation a biggie I suspect for many of us, it certainly is for me. Well what does it really do for us anyway, why bother, things could get messy, I don’t like messy?

Confrontation is about truth, yours and others.  It shows us how willing we are to stand by our beliefs, protect ourselves and others, how much courage we have, how well we communicate. It can be about working with the tool of confrontation to figure out a new way of doing things, teach us about new perspectives, and how to communicate effectively and authentically even when challenged. It can teach us about speaking our truth without attacking others. It teaches us to stay grounded even in reactionary situations.

For me I have a long history of denying my truth in confrontation. My mom had major control issues (Stemming out of her childhood experiences, she was doing the best she could), so when I was told something about myself that I knew wasn’t true, I would confront her with my truth, she would then inform me of my mistake and that her truth about me was the truth, I would again speak my truth to have it yet again shot down. These confrontations would continue until I caved and just let her have her way. This pattern of behaviour of mine to back down when confronted stayed with me through most of my marriage (Yes married a partner just like mom), until I healed enough to stand in my truth. Once that happened the marriage ended, I had learnt what I needed to in the relationship, and a big part of that was being authentic when in confrontation. However confrontation although I could do it, now more often than not came in the form of anger, and often just not being very present at all. It was the way I chose to be able to speak my truth, but that’s not very effective, we are not heard when we make a point in anger. I then went on to learn and practice confrontation from a balanced, neutral place, which is still an edge for me, but I can do it more often than not.

With neutrality came the awareness of when confrontation is important. Can we confront others in a way that they can hear, speak their language, and discern if it’s even worthwhile. As with all our lessons, we get what we are able to handle. So now I have someone in my life who against all physical evidence will argue the contrary, I have learnt to let it go, there is no point to confrontation. I am almost okay with this, when I am totally okay with it I wonder will I have graduated from confrontation class?

What has confrontation taught you? Are you unhappy, and prefer to remain that way rather than confront the cause? Are there particular people or issues you will not confront? How do you confront? What do the answers to these questions teach you about yourself?

Great teachers, Confrontation, mayan, daykeeper, Ok, carnal yearnings, touch, affection, desire, HEALINGthroughCEREMONY.com, Michele Fire-River Heart

10 – The Ten ~ TEN is the Number for PURE INTELLECT and MEASURE.
Creation gave humans the power of Reason and Self Choice. Ten is also the number of the humans’ HIGHER SELF, their Sacred Twin, what can give greater measure than this Spirit-knowing?
Come, Children, have you met your Self and Know Existence?
(Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

10 – Mayan Daykeeper Ok ~ The essence of Ok is the pure energy of carnal yearnings. It is also an awareness of our connection to our primordial instincts & intuitive senses.

Ok may be experienced as a heightened sensitivity to your inner feelings and desires,
as well as enhanced awareness of your environment.

Ok may express as a strong desire, a sense of loyalty
or the need to allow desire to guide your actions.
Ok’s days are good for allowing yourself to be guided by your desires and intuition,
trusting yourself and enjoying every moment.

Those born on a Ok day may be loyal, flamboyant, intuitive
and available for the true desires of the moment.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah

Should you wish to know your Birth Daykeeper, Contact me with your birth date.

Previous Ok days this year Jan 13th, Feb 2nd, 22nd, March 14th, April 3rd, 23rd, May 13th, June 2nd, 22nd, July 12th

Ahaw is here today (Mayan Daykeeper)

The essence of Ahaw is completion, culmination, realization, integration.

20 – Ahaw    and    20 – Completion. This is the Return to the Great Zero where all things are Born, The Return to WahKahn and SsKwan. Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation? (Hyemeyohsts Storm’s Earth Count)

Twenty is completion no interpretation here. What I find of note is the line ‘Come, children of becoming where is your Foundation?’ This speaks to cycles of rebirth and how each time we birth anew we have a new foundation, platform of knowledge. I find this very comforting. When I was first consciously working on my healing one of the things that frightened me was the enormity of the healing work I had to do. I was looking at the big picture and imagining (futurizing) that I couldn’t possible handle what was to come. What I didn’t know then that I do now, was that the person I was then was not the person who would be handling the things I was envisioning. Each time I heal I can handle things in a different way, and things that I couldn’t even imagine doing 15 years ago, are now things I can do with ease. Healing is learning. When we learn a skill we understand that we will improve with time, healing is no different. So get rid of the big picture, work on the details of the moment and all will be well. Have a liberating day.

Tomorrow we start a new cycle. I am going to add another cycle of 20, The Twenty Great Teachers. The photo below in my imagination is the man teaching the little boy inside him.

mayan, daykeeper, ahaw, cycles, time, completion, end, all-seeing, healing through ceremony.com, michele fire-river heart

If you have been following my blog the information below is a repeat. Previous Ahaw days this year Jan 3rd, 23rd, Feb 12th, March 4th, 24th, April 13th, May 3rd, 23rd, June 12th, July 2nd

Ahaw may be experienced as a sense of completion.
This experience may include understanding
the causes and effects that led to this moment.
Ahaw offers the awareness of how completion
relates to the entire cycle of life.

Ahaw’s days are opportunities to see situations
as they fit into the bigger picture.
It is a good time to consider the necessity of certain events
and their involvement in something larger than their immediate effects.

People born on a Ahaw day are sensitive to the cycles of time
and respect the importance of being timely.
They naturally accept that everything plays a part
in something greater than itself.

This is an exerpt from
Mayan Calendar Voice of the Galaxy by Raymond Mardyks and Stacia Alana-Leah